Quote: Because somewhere in me is a fear that the 'why' may be something I cannot fix, and that if this is a situation where we have a fundamental shift in expectations of each other, then the only way is towards the path of irreconcilable differences. Mind you, I don't rationally believe this to be the case, but since when have emotions been rational
Let me illustrate a recent experience. I find myself enjoying uncomplicated company much more now than I used to before - perhaps it is an ability to see people without preconceived notions, something one acquires with life experience. NG however, remains as intolerant of social gatherings as he has always been. It makes for uncomfortable compromises, which we are both working hard on, but how long can we be accommodating of diverging interests? How do I maintain a healthy relationship and be true to myself? Now, this is not a big deal, as deals go, but I guess its a pattern I'm afraid to explore more fully.
Slowly,
I think you're making WAY more out of this than you ought to be, honey. I believe in DR, Michele talks about the four phases of a relationship. This is one thing our C tried to get me and SO to understand before we split. At some point, you have to come to the acceptance that NG is just the way NG is. Period. There's nothing right or wrong about it. You can't control him (as I'm sure you already are aware). But you can control you. Of course you can continue to build/have a healthy R w/NG...AND with your friends and interests outside of your M. Yes, you CAN be true to yourself AND to your M.
In your instance above, couldn't you just go to the social gathering w/o him? Go ahead and enjoy yourself, and let him not go, if that's what he so chooses? What would be a 180 for you in a sitch like that? Or what would be something completely new for you to try? Just b/c you two are back together does not mean that you are joined at the hip. It's perfectly fine for each of you to pursue your own interests. Don't you pursue different interests from your other friends? Doesn't the place of your friendship with other people reside in the land of common ground?
Don't dwell on this. For your M/R, dwell in your common ground. One of the mistakes I made in my R was that I stopped treating SO like a friend. Maybe if you work to see NG more as a separate human being, with separate interests and separate talents. Let the two of you compliment each other.
