Quote: Without a doubt, the biggest issue I struggle with is the 'why' - I can just hear Betsey, Pen and a whole host of others on the 'let it go', but it just keep tugging away at me
Slowly – like Betsey I’m not sure whether to be appalled or flattered …. but you do know me well. Yes, I would say "let it go".
Now before you start throwing things at me let me say quickly I understand the need for a “why”, I really do. Like me and others, you have an analytical mind that probes for root causes – mainly because we think understanding the cause of a problem will keep it from being repeated. While that is certainly true in many cases, I’m not sure it works for affairs. I personally don’t think affairs start for any one particular reason – they’re a multi-faceted phenomenon. And something else, Slowly – NG could have another affair for an entirely different reason if it came to that.
Speaking for myself, I’ve decided to analyse why I chose to participate in an affair isn’t really that productive. Will understanding why I entered one affair prevent me from entering the next? I doubt it – because the reasoning could easily change. I could enter affair one because I wasn’t paying attention to a friendship and let it get out of hand, and enter affair two because I’m feeling neglected in my marriage. What works proactively against future affairs for me is realizing the effects of affairs, and the pain they cause. I don’t want to cause, or feel, such pain again.
I could easily see NG feeling the same way – saying “I’m not quite sure why this happened, but I am sure I never want to subject Slowly (or myself) to such misery again”.
