Quote: Now, from NG's perspective, this is an area he does not want to delve into 'proactively' - on one hand, he has told me that he just wants to forget the whole thing ever happened. On the other hand, he feels he is unable to justify his actions, but that over time, awareness and understanding will come naturally.
Slowly, this is probably coming from his sense of guilt. I would advise you NOT to push him on this. He's not ready to deal with his own guilt, and if you push him to do that, you will just push him away from you.
Quote: What if the reason for his affair was good? Or what if it were bad? What if he doesn't have a reason? Or the absolute worst case scenario? What if he points to a behavior of yours that drove him away? Not one of these answers is going to bring you peace, honey.
Bets makes an EXCELLENT point here....
Quote: For some reason, the words of the counselor from my Parenting After Divorce class are tuning in to my frequency to share.
The happiest people are the ones who live in the present and spend little (if any) time focusing on the past.
And here! I totally agree with what the C said to Betsey here -- the happiest people are indeed those who chose to live in the present.
You have listed some tremendous positives here, Slowly. I would give anything to be able to sit on the sofa with my SO and watch TV and hold hands!!! So would many others on the BB.
The bottom line is that the why's really aren't all that important; only the NOW is important. Will knowing the why's get you any closer to your goal? The why's really aren't about you anyway -- they are about him (whether part of it was your past behavior or not). I would suggest you consider some sort of 180 for yourself to help you get out of this rut, honey. Do something fun or nice or pampering or zaney for yourself.
