Without a doubt, the biggest issue I struggle with is the 'why' - I can just hear Betsey, Pen and a whole host of others on the 'let it go', but it just keep tugging away at me Here is a post Ellie made over at Helkat's thread last June
Quote:

Helkat: I worry about being hurt again, I worry that he's just playing me for a fool, I worry that I will never feel the same again.................and I know I have every right to feel that way but does it ever end? does the dread ever go away? How do you stop the fear of "what if"


Ellie: Yes, it does go away, but it takes time.
In my case, it was also really important that my H work out WHY he'd had the affair in the first place - I feel much more secure now that he's received treatment for his depression, and realized the roles "longing" and fear of abandonment played in him keeping one foot out the door of our marriage.

Now, from NG's perspective, this is an area he does not want to delve into 'proactively' - on one hand, he has told me that he just wants to forget the whole thing ever happened. On the other hand, he feels he is unable to justify his actions, but that over time, awareness and understanding will come naturally

Unfortunately, during my bad days, I really get stuck on this 'why' of the a, and 'why' he is unable/unwilling to understand the root cause of so much hurt in our lives. I find myself questioning my judgement, my instincts and generally feeling like I'm on shaky ground. It feels awful. Fortunately these yucky days/moments are minimal, and diminishing.

To counter these, here are the positives:
+ lots of physical touch, especially on the couch when we are watching tv, and of course in bed. Most of it is just holding hands, but this is something we did not doo too much of in the past
+ NG is slowly sharing more and more of his life away from me - work! He used to be reluctant to talk about work (or hear about my work day) and I now see that he may have been uncomfortable. He had a slower start to his career, and has begun to feel confident career-wise only just recently.
+ he is spending so much more time at home; working from home unless he is travelling. Wonderful.

OK, so guys, help me put all this into perspective ?

Slowly



A Liberal Allowance of Time