I know I am in this relationship for at least another 6 years (daughter will then be 18), in truth I would love this to work, I dont want to be a failure again.
BUT....how do you put the subject away, how do you stop mentioning it, asking questions...hoping for answers. And why do we put ourselves through this?
Has I have outlined in the past my other half (we are not married) has the 3 b's problem...balls, bowels and back...so he now says he cannot ml, have sex...whatever you want to call it....At the moment I am at the point of I dont want him anyway...its comming upto 7 months since he touched me. His take on it is that he needs to feel comfortable with me before he can come on to me (that is when is aches and pains arent effecting him )....The problem is that I can leave the subject alone and do the nice things for him, he likes to cuddle in the morning, I find this hard...especially after months of no ml...but I make a compromise and let him do this...then after a week or two I start to get techty and ask when he thinks we may be able to ml then it kicks of agains...so I am in a catch 22 situation. So how do you leave the subject alone, what do you do to keep you mind of ml, sex...apart from M...which takes the edge off..... I have seriously considered having an affair....but with my self asteem so low, no-one would have me anyway...so no point really.
I just wish these ld w/h could see the harm they are doing to us supposedly hd partners....I see some hd have sex a cuple of times a month....what a dream that would be...I have a very strong feeling that my sl with my partner is well and truly over and that I have put myself in a position of lonliness for the next 6 years. HELP!!!!!
You don't leave it alone. Doing that will do one thing...not fix the problem. He isn't going to suddenly understand how you are feeling and how you are hurting if you suddenly drop it.
[quoe]how do you put the subject away, how do you stop mentioning it, asking questions...hoping for answers
In my eyes...you don't do this. If you stop mentioning it you effective stop communicating. COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY to turning your situation around.
I know you are down right now, I can feel that from your post...it's only natural, and it's understandable. But if you want your R to work at least one of you does need to keep trying. If you both aren't trying to repair the situation you are in...then you're right back to square one.
Let me ask you this. What would be some 180's in your current behavior? I don't just mean about bringing up the lack of sex...I'm talking about everyday activities, hobbies etc. Are you a home-body? Start going out with friends. What's your style of dressing? Maybe treat yourself a bit to some new threads and kick it up a notch (it'll make you feel better if nothing else). Stuff like that. Do things that are out of your norm that can make YOU feel better...workout (if you enjoy it), meet your friends for drinks and a movie (or whatever).
I have hobbies, and am basically trying to start a business up..I also work in a school for my sins....how do I dress...well due to lack of self asteem jeans and jumper ...I am overweight...size 18's...but curvey..in the right places...I am no oil painting. I am a member of a gym so I am going to up that somewhat even if I only sit around the pool for 3 hours reading. sometimes I hate him...I know I no longer believe in that love thing, cos it cant make you feel this bad Its just so sad, I have so much to give...but if he doesnt want it what do you do. I am in councilling at the mo, I had a terrible childhood and my father died last year and it just all came to a head....lots of rejection as a child...and here we go again..I really feel worthless. A.
I can definitely say you're in the middle of what I coined last year as "an emotional [censored]-storm"! It's an awful place to be...but you know what if you didn't love him, he couldn't hurt you this way. Love can make you feel awful, just as it can lift you up.
Here's something I do when I'm feeling dumpy (as you seem to)...make extra effort on your appearrance. I'm no supermodel myself. I weigh more right now than I have anytime in my entire life, and I HATE that. But just because I weigh more and am depressed about that is no reason for me to neglect my appearrance. No matter what I need to take care of myself. It's really important for you to recognize that YOU are worth the effort.
No matter what else is going on in your life, do your absolute best to put your best foot forward EVERYDAY! Walk out that door and be gorgeous woman that you are, size 18 and all! I'm telling you it makes a difference...I get approving looks from men everyday who are appreciative of my appearrance.
And.....if you take that extra effort on yourself everyday, you're bf is likely to wonder what's up...and start taking notice.
...I know what you are saying, I have done the dress up the makeup every day, the nice underwear...it maks not an ounce of difference...I have thought of saying i was going out with some friends and not comming in till 1am...which would be a big thing for me...but I doubt it would work. I am considering asking him to move his office into our bedroom then I could have the office has a bedroom...I cant stand this much more.
)....The problem is that I can leave the subject alone and do the nice things for him, he likes to cuddle in the morning, I find this hard...especially after months of no ml...but I make a compromise and let him do this...then after a week or two I start to get techty and ask when he thinks we may be able to ml then it kicks of agains...so I am in a catch 22 situation.