When my W used to say "WE", I would come back "who do you have in your back pocket." in a somewhat friendly manner. It took about a year for her to stop saying "WE"
RE: acting like friends, not spouses. I starting considering myself emotionally seperated from the W. I got to the point that I would rather have her leave than continue the lonely M.
So, if one does not have much of an emotional connection with a spouse, basically you are not emotionally married. If this person you are living with goes from being a spouse to a room mate with very few shared benefits, you don't care what they do. BUT, and a big but, you are willing to try to do as much repair as you can before any physical leaving takes place.
You set limits on how much crap you will thak from your alien spouse. You decide things that you will do and expect nothing in return because that is the way you would treat an opposite sex friend you had, that you two shared no sexual chemistry.
It's kind of like living with a cousin you can and can't get along with. You are pleasant to a degree, don't let the cousin get away with crap, you don't take advantage of her.
This is not an easy task, especially when one person is doing most of the work and the other person keeps bringing up how you screwed up in the past or has an entitlement attitude.
