First of all thank you all for your quick answers. To paraphrase the Chinese cliche, I think I just took the first couple steps in a thousand mile journey. It already helps to see that I am not alone.
To hairdog: I just read amazon excerpt for Boundaries in Marriage and plan to order a copy along with the companion workbook. As for the S in your case, how do you stand it? Or did I just answer my question? I mean how do you stay faithful. I shredded correspondence from an old flame and regularly delete spam dealing with dating services.
To OG_Lou: How, in a practical sense does one act like a friend to a spouse? (Or is that in one of the books that I mentioned?).
About "WE", I simply called her on that. I stated that I prefer honest self-absorption to bogus altruism. "You have no problem saying that with actions, why not with words." She has started to make at least a token effort at diving the labor for home improvement. If she relapses, I'll be glad your approach. Thank you.
I've read Michelle's sample chapter of DR. It sounds good.
To GEL:
Thank you for that welcome. I have started to call her on the negativity. My latest approach has been to ask what I've done right. Now that I think of it, balancing criticism of me with a compliment was the only advice directed specifically at my W from her excuse for a therapist.
As for your query on her past relationships, the details are sketchy. However, the best I could gather is that her first was controlling and her second was grossly irresponsible (drinking and gambling). I could probe for details, but that would be looking past more than I care to do.
As for cheating, my old flame's correspondence met my new confetti-cut paper shredder. Enough said. The thought is out of my mind. The idea is to solve problems not add to them.
With regard to counseling, check my posts under 'When Therapy Hurts'. Until I can convince her to drop the quack, that will not be an option. It is ironic that she got more mileage out of a $15 self-help book than two years with her therapist.
Again thanks to all. The problem took years to build, it will take years to solve.
