Welcome to the BB. I noticed you let us in on quite a bit of her behavior...and you're right it's tough to live with someone who chooses to complain and seen nothing but the bad side of things constantly.
One thing I didn't notice you mention though...talking to her about this behavior. Have you talked to her about this? Have you told her how her behavior makes you feel? What needs of YOURS that YOU have that aren't being met?
I know people who sound like your W...they are the pessimists, the half glass empty type of people. But ya know what...IF you haven't talked to her about this she may be completely clueless as to how she's coming across.
Next...you think you're being treated worse than her ex's? Sorry, that sounded wrong...you feel that you are, and you very well may be. Here's something I experienced with my H. He had been treated very poorly in the past by his ex's they constantly put him down and made him feel he wasn't good enough, no matter what he did...this went on for quite some time.
Eventually he met and married me...once we were married his behavior (not sexually) changed towards me...he began to push me away big time...unintentionally. I was often rejected and ignored. Why? I now know that this was a "do unto others before they do unto you..." type of thing.
He was making sure that what had happened to him in the past would never happen to him again, so he took a self defensive posture....which ended up backfiring with him pushing me away by treating me just as his ex's had treated him....and he didn't even see it.
So....what were her past relationships like? Is there a pattern among the men she's picked? W/my H he's always seemed to pick very dominate/domineering women. Now, I am the dominant personality between the two of us, but I'm far from domineering....which for him is a complete change and one of the things that attracted him to me....but he was clueless when it came to how to relate to me emotionally.
I too was tempted to cheat...but DITCH THAT THOUGHT! Sure it's tempting, fantasies are often very appealing...but how would you feel if she did that to you? Keep that in mind. Keep in mind when that fantasy pops into your head the damage you could do to a marriage you are trying to save...that should help keep you from going there.
My H and I are on the road to a much better marriage now, but for us it has required counseling, which....I HIGHLY recommend!!!
Just giving you some stuff to think about, sorry if it's kind of muddled.
