This is my first post in this section. I've been watching others for a while.
Last holiday season an old flame sent me a Christmas card. She included a long letter detailing a life story since I last saw her about 10 years ago. Some of the more interesting details: She never got married and lives within a couple hours of my residence. Is it just me or is she dropping a hint?
Yes, I know that affairs are a very bad idea; however, you've got to admit that when you have a seriously LD spouse (3 times a month--if I'm lucky), resisting the temptation is no easy task. Especially considering that on average (yes, I've actually kept count) my W utters at most 3 sentences a day that are neither complaints, orders nor sentences that start with "We need...". In the case of commands, she rarely demonstrates the courtesy to even let me finish eating a meal to start barking out the orders. The word 'please' is also a rarity.
In the case of "We need..." and complaints, whenever her concerns get addressed and corrected, she finds new ones--I swear she can't be pleased or satisified! What do you do for someone who grasps at whatever straw there is for a complaint. Seriously, I have once been called to the carpet over an out-of-place spoon.
Anyone have an idea on some other self-help for this sick desire of hers to be miserable? Or at least dealing with it? I know for sure that I'm not going to put myself in the hospital with a stress-related illness trying to please the un-pleasable.
Make no mistake, I am not considering cheating, nor am I trying to excusing those who do. I have always believed in working within the system. I want to stay married and happy (TELL ME THAT DESIRE IS NOT CONTRADICTORY!). First thing I've already done was to destroy OW's correspondence (lead me not into temptation). Next I will read SSM and Change you Life and apply those ideas.
I was cataloging a large stack of clothing for donation ( It's Deductible and DeductionPro have the IRS's fair market value database--you'd be pleasantly surprised what the IRS allows for charity donation of clothes, housewares and furniture) and found some rather interesting lingerie. As there were no tags or manufacturer's creases, she clearly wore those garments at one time or another--presumebly for her first ex (I'm H #3). In other conversation, she let on that they experimented with toys and backdoor--this is when I am all but begging for plain vanilla more than 3 times per month. To get her in the mood, I either have to give her a thorough back rub (and all but exhaust myself) or get her drunk (and walk a hair-thin line between ML and Exorcist-style projectile vomiting, a sure mood killer for both of us).
At another time, I shredded some old financial records (identity theft concerns) which happened to include some of the last tax returns with her seconed ex. She made considerably more than her exH#2 on those returns and in all likelihood was covering all of their expenses. Not long ago, things were kind of tight for me, so I asked her to help me out with a credit card bill. The total amount was about $300. Her response was a hissy fit. Now keep in mind that she makes over $65k and spends a lot of it on home decorations (for grandiose plans which must be carried out yesterday by me alone more often than not and don't count on her help for maintenance afterwards) and tchotchkies (Lennox and Hummel primarialy) that are not enitrely likely to even see the light of day.
Why am I getting treated worse her exes? Understand that I do almost all of the chores around the house: cooking, dishes, laundry, mowing the lawn, changing cat litter (other cleaning in done by a rather excellent maid service )--whenever I ask her to help out by folding the clean laundry (mostly hers) I am on the receiving end of a hissy fit most often than not. Never mind, that she can easily do this while watching Lifetime's lastest misandry marathon, one of her favorite pastimes--apparently just slightly ahead of shopping for supplies for even more decorating work that I am already have little time or energy to do. I finally got her to quit euphamizing "We" (as in "we will be working on this room") when she means me alone--at most she will spend the day flat on her back in front of the idiot box and sharply criticize after the fact (I've come to expect very little else).
By some miracle, she at least is packed and organized the holiday decorations--only decent since she bought enough to fill a cargo van and spent most of December putting them up.
Yes, I realize that I have a role in this and plan to order copies of DB & DR to analyze my role and work from there.
Any advice or encouragement will be greatly appreciated. Please no suggestions about MC as you can see in my previous posts, this has been a waste of time. Especially since my W refuses to see anyone except the same ineffectual quack who provoked those posts in the first place.
