Hi Confused, As far as the stonewalling thing goes, I think the idea is to never let the argument get to that point. But...being that you're human, perhaps you could give a specific time frame so that she knows you are not using the "I need space" thing as a way to get out of having to talk about it. Something like, I gotta get out of here; I'll be back in 30 minutes so we can continue this.
I too have done the follow him out the door thing in order to keep the fight alive and well and!!!!! I even did it after I had read the book. Sheesh, sometimes my own stupidity just blows my mind. I knew it wasn't a good time to try and resolve anything (aka, fight) but I couldn't stop myself because I was too far gone in Temper Tantrum Land. I honestly don't mind if H takes a break from a discussion but he must come back to it. No fair just walking out and expecting that to be the end of it.
The clothes.........that's a sticky one. My gut reaction is this: I think it's fine to state your opinion on her clothing but then you back off and let her do what she decides. She's an adult, after all. If she looks ridiculous flaunting butt cleavage (and let's face it, WHO doesn't!) then let her look silly.
My clothing is sexy but classy. There is no cleavage showing--on either end--but I do like to show off my positive assets. There is a sexy edge to the way I dress and I don't mind form fitting clothes, though like I said, they are still classy. My H does not have a leg to stand on as far as reaming me about my clothes and he knows it. His problem is that someone ELSE might be sexually stimulated by me. The odd thing is that he hardly ever notices me, or what I am wearing, but put me in a room full of people and all of a sudden his eyes are trained on me. I suppose I'd have much less of a problem with this 'possessiveness' thing if he noticed me at home, too. The fact that his eyes wake up when others are around but he goes back to being a lazy pool of asexuality when we're alone just really chaps me. AND it is never a positive thing when others notice me..he's always on the verge of being po'd about it. There is really no positive association with him and the way I look. I wish words of affirmation were not important to me cause it certainly would make things run a lot smoother in my home.
Anyway, it is a fine line that you are walking. Maybe others will be able to chime in here. I think you should be able to say, Man those pants are low...they look great but I don't know if I want other people seeing you like that! with a smile, but then I think you should back off and let it go. She's a grown up, albeit one with a really unfortunate fashion sense.
