You are very insightful. Sorry for the delay in responding. Was out of town with my kids . Wife went out of town on yet another business trip so i figured no point sticking around the house. The kids and I went out to my sister's house and had a great time! Glad I did it, I think it also is starting to send a message to W that life for me and my girls will go on with or without here (prefferably with).

On number one. I think what I should have said (reworking the goal) is to not start any R convos. If W wants to start one I need to VALIDATE (new understanding of what W may be looking for, had a GREAT session with new T that I researched and he opened my eyes a little) her feelings and avoid all defensive / self blasting behaviour. No statments like "I know what you are feeling I feel it too". All that needs to go out the door.

On number two, Again I think I have reworked that one (good insight from you and started reading and almost finished Love needs to be tough by Dr. Dobson), what I should have said is that I need to be quietly confident. No cracks and sadness. I need to be calm and confident in the midst of this storm.

3&4 I think again what I should have said was that I need to get more in tune with my kids (this weekend helped alot to that end). I need to start understanding what it is they need from me. D5 needs more loving tender affection she is very sensitive to her surroundings and is very much the perfectionist. D3 is more in need of consistent and disipline and boundries. She responds well to having limitations set even though she likes to push boundries daily (its the age I think). Bottom line for both is that they need to spend time with their dad with or without W. I just need to ensure that W is always invited to join us if she wishes.

Number 5 is a tough one. Still getting mixed signals on this one. On monday I sent her flowers to work. She was enraged (as I said in prior post). On thursday nite I had a few minutes before Martial arts and bought W a box of golf balls. On Saturday I wrote a note on them (I hope these "lucky" balls help you to shoot the best game of your life), gave them to D5 and asked her to give them to her. I got a hug from W! Most affection or show of appreciation ive seen in over two mnths! As far as compliments go, W fishes often, asked me before she left on Saturday if what she was wearing was ok, I responded with you look great. So compliments need to be well placed I think.

I understand what you are saying about seeming unsincere about compliments and am being careful to not come accross that way. Any more details on what should or should not be said would always be welcome.

Reworked goals:
1. Do not start any R convos, if W starts one simply validate (repeat back to her) what it is she is feeling from what she is saying. No defensive posturing or explaining of actions.

2. Stay calm and confident. No needy grabby wishy washy stuff.

3. Spend more time with kids (doing whatever), try to better understand my blossoming little ppl and what it is they need to flourish.

4. Compliment W without seeming unsincere. Continue with the toughtful (but not over the top) gifts. Nothing that speaks of love or relationships. Just thoughtful (might need to rework this one again).


Let me know what you think. Thanks again..