quote: ------------ The over riding themne in our latest convos seems to be "you tell me you have changed but I dont see any of it". ....... the only answer I get is "I am not going to tell you what you need to do minute by minute". ------------
I am curious. Are you always at fault in the relationship? Are you, as a couple, waiting on you individually, to miraculously arrive at some, as yet to be determined condition?
------------ Second one is I seem to have to restate the small changes that I have made (keeping house clean, better R with kids, trying to deal with finances (to that end she finally got a company CC but she still has to submit expenses and pay the bill herself, this is the standard for all employees at her Co.). She reluctantly acknoledges these items. I told her that change is something that is a slow evolution, and that if there is something specific that she wants me to work on then she needs to tall me. There is no way I can crawl inside her head to find out what it is she is expecting. I Also said that it seemed that she is looking for some large grandious change that will happen overnight so that she will sit up and take notice (A little venting there that in hind site maybe I need to stifle those things). -----------
Is the company credit card in her name, or the company's name?
Why do you think that cleaning house will directly affect your relationship? Are you a slob, or do you pick up after yourself?
----------- She does like to repeat that I have told her I have changed in the past but nothing seems to last, so she is (justifyably) sceptical. -----------
Why is she justified? What precisely is it that you have not done?
----------- The other item W brings up is that I am a product of my environment and that is ultimately who I will be (freudian speaks from her T im sure). She tried to imply that I can never change and that I need to accept that. I had to let her know that it is nice to know where you come from but that doesnt mean that change from that starting point is not possible. ------------
Why do you think she wants you to agree that you can't change?
For the record, people can and do change all the time.
quote: -------------- ... second was, is your hubby trying to mark his territory? The second comment seemed rather strange to me. Another one of those things to put in the back of my head as far as keeping my eyes open. --------------
Dogs will mark their territory even when there are no other dogs around. I do find the comment curious though, especially if there is another dog nosing around. In most corporate environments I have worked in, 'nosing around' was prevalent, by both genders. The problem with a marriage that is encountering difficulty, is that the spouses become weaker at resisting the allure of an affair, and more stupid about the consequences therein. This is why it is important for both spouses in marriage to resolve their issues in a timely manner (preaching at myself on the 'timely manner').
Waiting a couple of decades to fix your marriage is generally a bad idea :-)
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
