quote: ------------- Sorry no not really I think I was just venting a little. Just a little frustrated. Weekend with W seemed to cause more resentment from her. She told me after the fact that she felt that I was "acting" for her family. She also told me that it seemed to her that I was not allowing her to talk to any of her relatives without me "hovering". The true frustration comes from her apparently telling me that she needs time. I obvoiusly misunderstood what she meant by that, she felt she was saying she needed time with her relatives alone, but I took it as the general I need time alone. I apologized for misunderstanding what she said, and told her that I could not crawl inside her head and to understand her meaning. I requested that in the future she let me know that she feels im hovering (trying to help with the kids) and I will back off. This was not taken well either. So the ongoing frustration continues. -------------
Here is the deal. If your wife is wayward, then your being there upset her plans. Her plans could have included any of the following.
1) She might have wanted for her folks to get used to you not being around. Instead, they had opportunity to see a good side of you.
2) She might have planned to introduce your kids and her folks to a new 'friend'.
3) She might feel that your 'hovering' is a needy behavior.
4) She might not like your very much right now, and your presence irritates her, so she accuses you of 'hovering'.
Regardless of what tack you take, you interfered with her plans. Since you think she may be wayward, I would consider your weekend an incredible success.
A wayward spouse does not want to see the other spouse 'fix' their issues, especially after the wayward spouse has chosen the cowards way out of the marriage.
For, you, I recommend that you don't 'get in her face' and that you become the best Dad anyone has ever had. You TAKE THE LEAD and invite your wife along to the activities YOU have planned for your kids. Get involved with your family. DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE PUSHED OUT.
I haven't had much time to study your situation. Unfortunately, my time is even more limited now. I do want to leave you with this thought.
My initial reactions to what you wrote here, told me that your involvement in your family is something of an afterthought, previously lead mostly by your wife. If that observation is correct, and again, I have not had time to really study your situation, then I would strongly suggest that you address it now.
Your children need a hero - a father. All the politically correct banter and gender non-specifics be damned; children need a strong father.
As for your wife needing space, you can do that by not being grabby/needy/touchy/feely. I would encourage you NOT to give her space in the form of bars and extended nights out 'with the girls' right now. Others here won't like this advice, but I am telling you, that while you can't control her, your approval of her actions that may very well undermine the marriage right now. That is not recommended.
In simple terms. Your wife appears to be looking outside of your marriage to get her 'needs' met. Don't encourage that. Don't facilitate it. If she needs space, you give it to her by improving your interaction with her.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
