ConfuseMe asked: --------- Why is it that men are expected to instintively know what it is that they want and when exactly it is that they want it? --------- CM. I am guessing, but I think women think they have been compromising their needs for a long time and basicall quit caring about the M. Some see things as "Its your turn to do all of the work."
If you work too hard you burn out. If you do all of the work your wife will not appreciate all of the work you did. Somehow you have get your W to participate in rebuilding the M.
When they see the H working on the M they think it is too little too late many times. I suspect there is a lot of resentment when they see the H working on the M and think you/me are just doing this long enough so they stay and once we see they are not leaving, we will go back to our old ways.
I know in my case, I hesitated to ask for things in the R until it got bad then I would confront my W, which led to "you never" and "you always" statements going back and forth.
From the little I have read of your posts, I see you trying to change W's opinion or actions. No matter how much you want, you can't change her. She has to see something she wants in you and "she" has to change.
So you being the happy man her family once knew is doing the right thing. It will take several months for your W's opinion about you to change. You can be a good man, a good dad, a good H, but do it for you, not her right now. "SHE" will "EVENTUALLY" SEE the light. You can't make her see the light.
I know the thought process. "If I do A she should do B. It should work that way but it doesn't.
Also asking for something without criticizing is difficult to do. Do you have something small that you want your W to do for you?
I am saying this because I think too many people wait until things are just right or something has to be a certain way to ask for something from a spouse. Maybe your W is waiting for some right time, and meanwhile she is aloof, afraid to ask for what she wants. When she does ask, she dumps everything on you she has been saving for the last 3 months. That is the problem with waiting for the right time.
Pick an item you want to work on with your W and post it here. Also post how you might talk about this problem with your W in concrete, measurable steps. Get some feedback and give it a try.
