NOP Wrote: ------------- If it is going to be a family outing, then you should be included. They are your children, and she is your wife. Don't let her separate you from your children when you have the capacity to be with them. ------------------
Agree 100% with you. I did say that to W and let her know that I felt that I should be there to share with the kids on Easter. She agreed and we went up. W is the youngest of 8 and her family is very large and very loving. I had a great time there. I had decided that I would be the person that I was when I first met them. Fun loving, helpful and made a large effort to have conversations with them (this is difficult as they are mostly farmers and I have a tough time finding things to talk about).
W was seething all weekend. On the drive hom I thanked her for allowing me to come "up". I could tell that she was upset and asked her the usual question "Everything ok?" Her response was "No but there is nothing I can do about it anyways". I told her that if there is anything you want to talk about im here if not that is fine too. THis opened her up (it usually does). W told me she thought I was being two faced and acting holyier than tho, I informed her that I was simply trying to be the person I am in my heart before all the crap covered up all my good attributes. I also told her that I had enoumouse respect for her family and the hardships that they endure on a daily basis. This seemed to diffuse things.
NOP wrote: ----------------- Let me tell you something. I intend no disrespect toward you or your wife. It is very difficult in any marriage where there are children and unhappy spouses, or another person involved, to maintain an atmosphere where the children are unaffected. Children are often 'poisoned' toward one spouse or the other unintentionally as a result of the tension between the spouses, and sometimes, children are intentionally used as pawns in a tug-of-war between parents. Don't let this happen in your relationship. ------------------
Your right on the money here. In the above conversation I expressed to W that I didnt appreciate anyone trying to take my kids away. She told me that no one was trying to do that. I told her that her actions seemed to make it look that way. I told her that it seemed every time I made an extra effort to connect with one of my two D's she would be there right after trying to do the same with the same D. I told her that I felt that was hurtful and I would not stand for it. I told her that this may not be her intention and right or wrong that is how she comes across.
After this convo she seemed a little diffused and more amiable (small miracle, Who knows maybe she is beginning ti hear what I am saying). But returned to the same distant person once we got home (Two hours later). I have to take this as a small victory that I was able to talk to her in a way that seemed to make sense to her and calm her down (small steps are easier to see).
I find it rather interesting how the actions that she has and continues to complain about in me is exactly what she is displaying lately. Angry, distant, hurtful etc. I almost wish I could hold up a mirror so she could see herself. I dont think she would like what she would see.
Oh well, I have finally come to the point of understanding that there is really nothing I can do to change her attitude. All I can do is be the fun loving, caring person I was. If she wants to join me and rebuild this family then that would be wonderful, if not that is her choice to make.
Thanks for your input. As usual you seem to be right on the mark (for the most part )
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