HP ------------------ Let HER come up with a plan. ------------------
I had a convo with W this morning. Ouch.
Here is how things went:
H: I think we need to have a discussion about our finances whenever your ready. W: Im ready any time you are. H: Ok we need to deal with our debt, do you have a suggestion on what we should do? W: Silence H: (Waiting in silence) W: Im concerned about what WE are doing to figure out what to do about finances. H: As I have said in the past, I am not going anywhere and I beleive that we can come out of this dark time loving and caring for each other. W: I guess at least we are better parenting partners lately. H: Silence W: Your not happy are you? H: I have come to understand that my happiness is no ones responsibility but my own, so I am working on making myself happy. W: long Silence H: But reguardless of happiness we need to deal with our finances to ensure our kids have a future. H: Any ideas on what we should do to deal with our finances? W: I think we need to sell everything and pay off the debt. H: I dont think this is acceptable. From looking at realty web sites, we will have to move into a two bedroom condo in the bad part of town to allow up to keep our debt down. Or move out of town and commute 1 - 2 hrs per day. Do you have any other suggestions? I gave you two options that I felt would work, please give me the same as well. W: Silence W: Silence W: I really wonder what WE are doing. We seem to be growing in differnt directions (the exact phrase escapes me right at this second). H: Just to clarify, do you mean that I dont fit into your corperate circles that you seem to be growing into? W: No, I mean that are friends are completly different. H: Is that a bad thing? W: No I guess not. H: It seems to me that we dont seem to enjoy spending time togeather any more. W: I dont agree, we I had fun the other nite (when we went to the driving range and dinner) but it seemed strained. H: True enuogh but I didnt know that you had fun, I got the feeling that you were just going through the motions. I cant get into your head and know what you are feeling about things, any more than you can me. H: I think we need to do more of that to start getting comfortable again. H: But back to the main question, do you have any suggestions on what we should do financially? W: I think we need to sell the house and pay off the debt. H: I dont feel that is acceptable. I gave you two options that you were not comfortable with either. Please give me a second option. W: Silence W: Silence H: May I give a suggestion? W: Ok H: Can we go talk to Dennis (a friend of our who is a financial advisor) and see what he has to say? W: Im not comfortable talking to Dennis and telling him about US. H: I dont have an issue talking to him as he is a professional and im sure he would have a few ideas (I talked to him yesterday, his suggestion was to get a line of credit , pay off all the cards and rip them up). W: I think we need to decide what we are doing. H: Again Im not going anywhere, I still feel that we can work on our relationship and grow back into a loving caring relationship. W: Silence. W: Silence. H: May I make another suggestion? W: Sure H: Would you be willing to listen to something on your way to work? W: Is it another one of THOSE books (referring to SSM)? H: Please dont discount THOSE books unless you read ti from cover to cover, there is alot of useful information in there that seems to describe both of us to a tee. W: All it says in there is that I should just DO IT and it will get better the more I DO IT. H: When I was going to church, I remember that christinas were told that if you dont like a certain passage in the bible you cant just rip it out and make your own bible. All I was asking for is that you read this book with an open mind. Also you said the other day that you love me but are not in love with me, what does LOVE mean to you? W: Silence W: Silence W: FINE Ill call in sick and stay home. H: Im not saying that, go to work. When I asked you to have a conversation about finances when you were ready, I meant when you were ready. H: We can talk about this later. I will go start your car. W: Silence
The usual strained pleasantries were exchanged and off she went.
I guess timing sucked but I think now that I have started this ball rolling I need to follow up tonight. Do you think that is too soon? From her track record she would not bring up the conversation. So I think it falls on me to do so.
Also I need to clarify something, the company W works for does not expect her to pay for travel and expenses, but the problem is they are slow to remburse expenses leaving us with the intrest charges for her travel and related items.
Anyhow thought I give everyone an update. I wish I could go to the bank today and act on our financial advisors sugestions today but I think I had better wait for W to get onside (if she ever will). All I can do is continue to pay down the damn cards and leave our joint account bare so that she gets the message that this is not working. The first chance I get I will begin ripping up all my cards to ensure this crap never happens again.
I hope the convo this evening goes better and that she is thinking about the big question that I posed to her, what does LOVE mean to her (to me it means that you must do things for others expecting no reward except for the fact that you are doing what they need).
The dark pit continues to see no end....
Thanks for all the support and suggestion they do truly help in these dark times..
---------------- Although recently I have been harboring dreams about buying some real estate to rent, for profit. I am still trying to decide on real estate MOGUL or TYCOON but I need input from Mandksdad, because I understand he recently did this with his wife. ---------------
I can speak from experince (my parents had rental properties when I grew up, and many of my cousins still have this on the go), it has its ups and downs, it is nice to have a solid investment that grows, but it is alot of work. I remember many a month end wondering if ppl would do the midnight move, damage the place and then all the work that goes into cleaning up, repairing and renting places to ensure you can meet the morgage. Its a tough grind but if you like the work it can be rewarding.
