You said: "I have asked numerous times "what she wants from our R" and had many vauge and contradictory answers. Items like "I want to be with an ethical and cool guy", "I want to feel like im in control of my life" , and in the same sentence, "I want to feel taken care of". Im beginning to think that W doesnt really know what she wants?!"
You know...the questions you asked her are tough to answer. What you might want to consider doing is asking her to sit down a quantify what her perception of an ethical/cool guy is. Ask her to write down things that would make her feel she's in control of her life....and to be specific about it, if she' puts something on there like "feel cared for" that's too vague, ask her what specifically you could do that would make her feel cared for.
See where I'm going with this? You've got to start pushing her for specifics in her answers and not accepting the vague. I have been just as guilty at giving answers like hers and when asked to specifically state for example, what my H could to to make me feel loved (outside of sex) it wasn't easy for me to answer. I really had to think about it. I many ways doing this allowed me to get in better touch with myself, who I am, and what really does make ME happy.
