KEB, I was speaking FIGURATIVELY!!!!! After I hit send I knew I was in for some trouble!
NOPkins, The OM's W gave an ultimatum, and he moved out last week. He is now staying at an APT in a friends house nearby. She & I have compared notes and there were startling similarities in schedule. I was anxious to get the new cell bill to see if I could catch W in a lie about two questionable ocaisions. She nipped that possibility in the bud.
OM's W is taking it hard, their M of 18 years started after the first of two D was conceived. She is trying to find blame, and has looked hard at the possibility of A between her H & my W, but they always had a rough relationship. Recently She called my W repeatedly while W was at work, W finally answered, OM's W then dialed her H on different phone, and my W "hung up". OM's W assumed that was do to the fact that they were together, but I know for fact of poor cell coverage where my W was working.... Or am I being naieve again? I made a point that day to drive by OM's new palce on my way to library, but niether OM nor W were there. I felt sneaky doing it, but what am I supposed to do? This all sucks, but I like me anyway.......
csw: are you on the cell bill, too? If so, you could call the cellphone company up and ask for the detailed, online access. If you aren't on the bill, you might try to kick yourself in the cajones, make your voice a bit higher, and call them anyway.
csw wrote: ------------------ The OM's W gave an ultimatum, and he moved out last week. He is now staying at an APT in a friends house nearby. She & I have compared notes and there were startling similarities in schedule. I was anxious to get the new cell bill to see if I could catch W in a lie about two questionable ocaisions. She nipped that possibility in the bud. ------------------
Okay, so they are seeing each other. The relationship has likely gone physical. You don't need to spend every waking hour trying to watch or spy on your wife. The initial need is for some proof. With proof, you can expose. Them spending time together outside of both marriages, is proof enough for me.
What will you need for proof? I am not being sarcastic, you are the one that will have to do the work, so you are the one than must be convinced.
------------------ OM's W is taking it hard, their M of 18 years started after the first of two D was conceived. She is trying to find blame, and has looked hard at the possibility of A between her H & my W, but they always had a rough relationship. Recently She called my W repeatedly while W was at work, W finally answered, OM's W then dialed her H on different phone, and my W "hung up". OM's W assumed that was do to the fact that they were together, but I know for fact of poor cell coverage where my W was working.... Or am I being naieve again? I made a point that day to drive by OM's new palce on my way to library, but niether OM nor W were there. I felt sneaky doing it, but what am I supposed to do? This all sucks, but I like me anyway....... ------------------
You are probably being naive, but that is to be expected. Are you beginning to see that a lot of what you thought was you, insane, is actually fallout from the affair? You should feel better knowing that you are the victim of an affair. At least it explains a lot of the weirdness you have seen.
As for feeling sneaky, I wish you would explain to me why you should not have a right to truth in your relationship, is this not YOUR marriage we are talking about here?
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
Alright, this blown trust is all too new for me. I know I am not being sneaky looking for proof, but it makes me feel crappy just the same. Better, but crappy. I don't know what proof I need, but I am sure I can find it if I look. If I am attempting to find court worthy proof, that is one thing, but I am really just looking for enough proof to refute W's denial. A simple proven lie in regard to her wherabouts would be enough in my book. I need to see them together when she says she is elsewhere.... She says she is working late every night, and she has always worked late, but not every night. She cleans new houses, and some days she does windows, but how can you clean windows in the dark?
HD, I am on the bill, but she is primary, as she had the phone first, and I got one on a family plan. She put password protection on the acct when she ended online access, so I can't reopen online access. I tried the few options I could think of for password, but no luck.
I will compare notes with OM's W again, and see what we come up with. I hope to get some reassurance from the atty in regards to fees, etc, but I am sure the news will only be bad.
I heard from my out of town job prospect and sadly put it on an extended hold, as I can't risk leaving now, even for a few days. This scenario is getting worse every day! Everyone here has reinforced my fears, W is fooling around with a guy she once reviled, I had to turn down a dream job due to paranoia, my fish is swimming upside down, and I will need to SELL MY TOOLS to pay for an atty. What next?
Well, you can have yourself a nice little pity party, or you can start improving you.
The purpose of proof is so that you don't finish off what is left of your marriage by a false accusation.
Now that you are sure about the affair, it is time to bring the affair to the light of day. Exposure of an affair takes away the 'fantasy' part of the illicit relationship and brings its true character to the light of day. Since affairs are based on deception, fantasy and lies, they tend to look pretty ugly when viewed in good strong light. The way to shine light on an affair is by exposure.
Does her family know? They need too.
There is nothing loving or beautiful about an affair. Look at what it is doing to the other man's marriage, wife, kids. Look at what it is doing to you.
You are going to have to decide if you are wanting to fight for your marriage, or if you just want to work on you and coast. If you want to fight for it, I warn you, it may get ugly before or if it gets better.
If you would rather coast, I must warn you that, rather than being a participant, you are being a passenger.
Regardless of what you choose, you are going to face pain.
-NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
I'm clearly willing to do more than coast, or I wouldn't be seeking your expert advice I have revealed my concerns to BIL, but that is all so far. I will scrutinize for proof before making accusations.
I cling to hope, and will fight tooth & nail. I am working on my shortcomings, and have no desire to coast.
And the plot sickens, er, uh thickens. OM's W just called. He drained two accounts. Got any condiments for that crap sandwich? Two more days to atty...
Thanks GEL, The liquid assets we have are minimal. Pathetically minimal. I will do what I can, but I won't make such a move first. The future income will be guarded, as hers seems to be. Whooda thunk it????
Well Ladies and Gents... We are once again approaching the LOCK-OUT stage of this thread. So, I've created another new thread to continue the saga...er, uh...discussions of the problems of the low-drive husband.
