Yes - your W is undoubtedly lying about at least some, if not all, aspects of her R with OM. It is discouraging but let me add a piece of encouragement. My Dad had a midlife affair. It lasted a couple of months and was discovered when he attempted to break it off with her and she called Mom. I was in college and out of the house during this time. My Dad had realized by that point that he had made a terrible mistake. He admitted what he had done to each member of the family, apologized and accepted full responsiblity. It was a turning point. From there they set about renegotiating their R. They never had a problem with their SL. It was always active but there were other issues that needed to be worked out. They are happier now than they have ever been. Things can work out.
