Nopkins,
I appreciate your straight shooting. I have been searching for hope, and have received a good deal of it from the lovely HDWs. But hope is a tiny portion of the picture that I NEED to see. I would like to hear your suggestions for becoming a "man of steel". I am a blacksmith, but that is not what you are refering to . I am willing to fight tooth and nail to save our M, and have hardened myself for the task at hand.

I made an appt for Sat for the atty. I feel the need to be aware of my options BEFORE approaching the OM discussion with W. I can't worry too much about W draining our accounts, as we are already nearly broke. We DO have equity in the house, so I need to protect that. I am not sure what I can do to pay the atty, without draining an acct. The initial consult is free, but you get what you pay for, IMHO. For a contested D, I am looking at several G's so we may as well put the house on the market immediately.

I obviously am not planning on moving out, as she is the one that wants the change. I can forget about using this line "Wife, your talking to the other man is hurting me and destroying our marriage. Please stop." because that is what she wants to do, destroy our M. She sees OM as her best friend, and I can literally see her laughing in my face if I used that tactic.

I am having difficulty with the best approach to the topic of OM. I don't want the discussion to end before it starts, and W will put up her dukes at the onset if I say "we need to talk about OM." Once that happens, I will be a gerbil in a wheel, spinnng wastefully as my words roll around in front of me. How can I get past the fact that all I really have are suspicions? She will immediately deny any wrongdoing, and my stack of cell bills will do little to scare her into talking. If I approach the topic by saying, I suspect that you are more involved w/ OM than you are leading me to believe, and here are a sickening amount of phone calls to prove it, it is the same as putting plugs in her ears.

Thanks again for your hard hitting advice. I can't even feel the sting of the facts. "Facts are simple and facts are straight" I need a few more facts to base my case about OM. I am searching for the clues I am sure I missed along the way. If I can build up the facts, I think I can get W to fess up. If she fesses up, then we are in a much better place to plan our future. As is, believing her current story, that this is all about us, leaves me cold. While I may have shortchanged her with my SD, there is no doubt in my mind that I have been a good husband and a good friend. I AM the man of the hour! She is a fool to close that door.