I have seen a counselor several times, and he helped a good deal as far as my self image and GAL are concerned. He is also the MC we saw today. W made some interesting points in regard to my DB efforts, in particular the nonpursuit. She said she never told me not to call her, but when I called her, she said she needed space. At MC, she said that my lack of calling her made her not want to call me...
W said we are too different. I asked her to name some of the differences, because from where I sit, we are quite similar in many ways. She couldn't really name any in MC. After the session, I asked again, and she said it was the way we were brought up, with her family showing much affection and my family less so. It sounded like her C possessed her body for a moment. I said that it was because we speak different LL, but we didn't go much farther with it, as I was standing outside her car in 12�, and she was itching to go to work. We didn't set another appt, but I made it clear that another appt would be necessary.
I laid back and let C & W do the talking mostly. W said "Why do I have to go first", so I said, you are the one that said you don't know what you want, I want to work on our R..." C did most of the talking, W was hard, cold & distant. Toward the end of C, she brought up the LDH issue, dodgingly at first. I stated my case regarding the med problem, and owned up to my failure to fully disclose my emotional state at that time. OM was not discussed. She brought up her C's trial sep scenario again, but it was 5 min before the end of session. C said that it would be grist for another session to work on the details, as he knew my concerns regarding her expectation of my move out. Since that will not happen, it will need to be carefully discussed. The benifit I see from a trial sep is that it is not a legal sep, and will slow down the process. NY requires a 1 year legal sep before granting a D. If we try a 90 sep, that is a good delay. The scenario would be 30day no contact, 30 day minimal contact, 30 day free to contact at will. Doesn't make a bit of sense to me. When W finds out I'm not leaving, she will step it up a notch, I am sure.
I will make appt for lawyer today. I do have concerns regarding finances, as our debt far outweighs our savings. We will go bust for the retainer.
my question of the hour goes back to my previous thread. In an SSM sitch like this, how do I bring up the topic of my OM suspicions? I suspect that is is an EA, one that she sees as a "best friendship" and not an EA at all. If I can't convince her of any of my other feelings, how can I get her to see their R as I see it? She will immediately jump into defensive denial, and I will be farther behind than I already am.
After our session, while discussing outside, I got W to break down her wall a bit by expressing my desire to work things out, and my desire to avoid a serious explosion between us. She got teary, said shenever wanted this to happen, never wanted to hurt me..... It was good to see that she still had emotion, but it did nothing to quell my suspicions.
I get your points Nopkins, and don't want to come home to find the locks changed and the auctioneer in my shop, so I will put the opportunity on hold for as long as possible, or decline if nec.
W did suffer quietly for a long time, then she drifted, and since oct has been calling OM & avoiding me. I know that we will not gain any ground until the air is clear regarding this, but I see a very dark cloud ahead. I don't want to be a snoop, a sneak or a spy. My evidence of EA is slim to none, simply the phone bills showing 4-7 calls a day, sometimes 2Hr calls, increasing to nearly 150 calls in Feb. Now that W cancelled online bill, I won't even have that evidence.
