Your sitch makes a lot of sense in light of what you are describing. Physical issues DO have emotional ramifications that significantly change things - it is too bad that you didn't share that at the time. Where you are left is to own your part of the problem, talk about that in counseling, talk about what changes you are willing to make, validate your W's experience. If there are "dead air spaces" in counseling - GEL is right, let the C fill them. If your W asks for a separation - Ask outright for a specified length of time to work on things - six months or a year sounds right. Point out that it can't make things any worse.
Good luck.
Karen
PS Keep looking for room for those little touches AND lots of eye contact!!
Karen, I regret deeply how I screwed this up, but I am trying now to validate her experiences. I did ask for a specific work time, at first she balked at my suggestion of 1 month per year, ie 10 months. She says her bio clock is ticking, an understandable concern. This made me woder about her wingman, as she surely cant expect to meet, marry and get pregnant in that time... This morning when I asked for a heads up before she did anything, I let her know that the cost of a simple sep is more than our current savings. She had a troubled look after that. I wasn't trying to scare her, I just wanted her to know that things will be incredibly difficult for us after she makes that step. She has no legal grounds, but I don't want to delay her destiny and happiness if she choses to run (nor can I afford to contest)
She had a very soft look in her eyes after I brushed the hair from her forhead when she left this morning. I liked it, and haven't seen it much since the bomb.
Quick question... I have just been offered a temp job(less than month) out of town teaching someone how to be a silversmith, intensive one on one with good pay. Do I risk leaving town for a while? Might it be a good thing? W asked for space. A few weeks alone in our house might make her miss me and fall in love with our place again. W would probably love it if I went, and it might be good for my spirit. I think I might say yes. I have until the 20th to decide... It's not like I will miss any chances to get lucky around here...
I do, perhaps naively, still trust W. I also know that my involvement with this project would give me a tremendous boost in spirit. W refered to the OM as best friend to his wife. When I pried W a bit for info about her conv with our friend (OM's wife), she did not say a word about friends direct line of questions regarding sex & her H. Make sense? I think if she was justifiably indignant about being falsely accused, she would have said something to me about it. What do I know, I am definetly out of her loop. If OM was in picture(really) I suppose I would be a fool to go... But if OM is in pic, whats the difference? I have me to wory about too. If W & OM choose that time to consumate the R, Cest La Vivre! She will probably be grossed out by all of his extra skin, having just dropped 60#. I'm looking pretty buff lately, if I do say so myself . The situps are paying off. Let W make her comparison....(gives me the creeps just joking about it ) I am ceratinly diferring to wisdom, I used all of mine up on my SAT back in high school.
Please go start your own thread so that you are easier to keep up with.
Your situation can be handled, but you need to immediately address some issues therein.
Please post a history and include as many details as you can..
In the mean time. Do NOT leave your home for another job. Your wife will not miss you. The other man is meeting her needs. Leaving will just facilitate her affair.
All the best, -NOPkins-
I will ferret out an affair at any opportunity.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
. The situps are paying off. Let W make her comparison....(gives me the creeps just joking about it 
)