Honey! I like that you came back and clarified your position on excuses. In the past, that's all anything ever was for me...excuses...because I didn't know why I was doing what I was doing. NOW, it all makes sense to me because something terrible happened to me as a child. Is that an excuse to give up and expect her to stick around? H#LL NO! I want to face my past and use it to have...as you say it...a ROCKIN' SL!!
During all of our vague conversations about S over the years, I tried to explain that I did have a SD--I would fantasize all day about what we were going to do together. But, when I got home something clicked somewhere and it was like the fantasies and action plans dissipated. It was so frustrating to know that deep down I had this amazing need for S...and S with HER...but I couldn't bring it to the surface for her. I didn't know how or why it was happening...so I had to make excuses. Granted, some were valid (or seemed to be in my mind...for anyone interested in what they were...read the previous thread New Thread for KEBall ) and some were just the result of confusion and fear of hurting her and/or myself.
I know I'm not out of the woods yet as far as this R is concerned. But, thanks to the advice and well-wishes from friends on this BB, I am beginning to see solutions and peace...for ME.
