csw, I thought later on that I should have clarified my thoughts re: no excuses.
There are, of course, excuses as to why one can't make love to their spouse. Where my Zero Tolerance Policy comes into play is that the person must be actively doing something about it. To sit back and say, I have this reason that will prevent me from ML to you and, furthermore, I'm not going to do anything about it...well, that's not acceptable in my book. After all, as we have said ad nauseum on this board, there is no other place for an HD to get their needs met except within a marriage. My h's love language could be met by just about anybody (I realize I am the one he wants to do it, but still...there's no legal or ethical problems with him having the neighbor do his dishes or have a talk about religion) while I am dependent on him. Think about being dependent on your wife for a minute...truly dependent...and then think about her rejecting you and leaving you with no way to have your need met. It is a desperate and lonely feeling. Helpless would fit the bill also.
I believe this desperation has now caused her to do something really stupid and tragic, which is involve someone else in your M. I'm sorry that she is lying and trying to cover up her outside activities. Stay the DB course and monitor all those results. Try new things and stick with the counseling. And if that fails, pray like crazy!!
P.S. Your autoimmune thing sounds crazy! I hope you are feeling normally now and continue to be healthy. That's sorta step one to having a rockin sex life, right?!
