Lillieperl, I definitely was guilty of filling the airwaves at the first MC session. Ain’t happenin’ again… Thanks! I think W is steamrolling toward a sep. I will lay back and let her do the talking. Our MC is a good guy, and I think he might help, but we will see. As a bonus, he is trading his services for my artwork. I saw him individually first, then W & I went together. He gave us a double session, and she went solo for the first half.
Honeypot, ** there is NO excuse for not ML to your spouse** the only valid excuse in my list was the Lichen Planus, IT HURT BADLY! (since the docs didn’t know what it was for 1 1/2 years the med didn’t work, and I had no clue if it was contagious) Our LM during that time was hurried, due to the pain and my fears, and the rush to get the condom on. They diagnosed it at the end of Oct, completely harmless and the med worked. Doc sez I got the LP from photo chemicals, and it may come and go. W dropped the bomb in NOV. After the diagnosis, I had to be tested for Hep C, since LP is an indicator of Hep C. All clear on that front, as I should be….. But this all probably scared W. Her pain does matter to me, and it does make sense, and I feel horrible about it. How do I validate her feelings without belittling her experience? I only used my excuses once. She blew them off, so I backed off. I have tried validating her feelings, but as you said, she is afraid that this prob will repeat. I still want to believe that the EA is really nothing. I really do trust her, and I think she is just reaching out to someone that wants more than she does.
GEL, I definitely love her with all of my heart, and it will take a LOT of serious punishment from her to make me give up. I may sound desperate, but if I cant do that here, where can I. I need to be all I can be for W, so I let you folks see my heart sleeves. W threw me for a loop when she cancelled the cell online account. It seemed extra weird as I always pay the bill online. All of the sudden, she has something to hide??? As far as our communication is concerned, I am NOT the most observant person in the world, and W is not the best at choosing her words. I am definitely the one to blame, and would happily take what vengeance she dishes out. She isn’t dishing anything out though, she is just going going……
W did start using words I understood at the end of the summer, but the LP was in full bloom at that time, and all I could call them were “spots” which did little help her understand. I felt VERY self conscious, and worried that I had some bizarre disease from unprotected sex that I never had. I don’t know what my mind was doing to me, but it made things worse during what she probably viewed as my last chance. It hurt . looked ugly, and made me feel like a freak.
I will try to validate her feelings. I know how serious this is, and that makes it clear how deeply she hurts. It took her so long to make it clear, and longer for me to understand, and now she sees all the time as wasted. She is 37, and in her mind it is now or never for children, so she has many valid reasons for running. I truly appreciate all of the insight shared here. I am blessed to have found the site when I did, in the nick of time.
