My W thinks our M is a failure as well. We don't have kids, so that is both my failure and her freedom to run guilt free. I know that I hurt her with repeated rejections, and I am trying to understand the depth of her sorrow, but it just doesn't add up to me. While she may have tried to discuss our problems, she never ever used direct words that would help me see the reality. She used vague terms like, I need more (more what? she couldn't say) We have different needs (different love languages?) but she never said (untill november) that I was hurting her with my rejections. I know I should have seen her pain, but it isn't that simple.

K, I am sorry that things are not improving for you. I am completely unable to help, as I am in the lost zone as well. I agree about the life we all lead, debts, struggles, etc. I don't know about yours, but my W has a skewed perspective on all of that. Several of my BIL make in a year what it would take me 5 years to make, and her dad is a self made BMOC. I cannot expect to be that sucsessful, nor do I aspire to be. My preference would be to lead a comfortable life with ample free time home with W & K.

The given fact is that we will both survive whatever may come, like it or not. Right? I am relatively young, so I will still be able to have a family, with W or with my new partner (PMA ) I will be miserable in the meantime, as I truly beleive W & I were destined (big hokey word) to be together. Destiny is a moot point if it was only my destiny to be with her. She is ready to go, so I must let her go. I am making an appt for a lawyer tomorrow, as I have no clue what this is going to cost. I need to be prepared in order to conserve my sanity. I need to be prepared to maintain my PMA. A friend recently told me about the 7 P's. I wish I knew them a long time ago:
Proper prior planning prevents piss poor performance.

Stay strong K, and I will try to do the same. Failure is as failure does. I am determined to break the cycle of misery.