csw-- I don't really have many answers to your questions or how to help. I understand the panic of losing the relationship and the need to NOT leave the house. I tried to explain to my wife a couple of weeks ago how I wouldn't leave because it isn't the right thing to do. She wasn't happy about that...but never pressed the point. She has maintained all along that she would leave...and because she is the one wanting out, I agree.
It's frustrating going to the MC because we have different purposes. I want to learn the tools to repair the R. SHE, wants to help me get on with my life. While I want to tell her, she isn't responsible for me, I keep quiet hoping that something in the MC sessions will help her see the good that is still in our marriage.
During our latest discussion this weekend, it was pretty painful. I was trying to explain the fear of failure and the under-running current that always made me feel like a failure (thanks to the abuse). She basically told me that our marriage was already a failure. We weren't financially secure (we're better now than ever--since she took a decent job with a decent salary)...that I was too dependent on my family (sorry for having family who cares about us)...and a few other hurtful things about our marriage being a failure. SO, this D isn't any worse of a failure than we've already encountered. In fact, it will help us stop living the LIE. I'm not sure what her source of info is...but it's pretty screwed-up. Everyone has debt. Everyone struggles but that is life and that is M!!!
Anyway, it was not an easy conversation and we ended up right back where we always do...she wants D, I don't!! ARRGGGHHH!!
Okay...crazy maker starting to rev-up. Gotta get back to work now!
Take care and good luck on Wed. If I think of any decent answers to your questions, I'll respond.
