Try not to be too upset about her turning you down. Remember she's gone through years of reject and pain. Letting you in now means opening herself back up to the rejection she experienced before. Speaking from experience that's a tough thing to do.
Right now she's not likely to trust that your shows of affection/desire are here to stay. And I know you probably already know this, but I'll say it again just to reiterate k? She won't let you back in all at once, it's going to take time for her to rebuild the trust that this won't change...and for her to trust her feelings towards you again. So like you said...baby steps.
Hey! She did afterall tell you that you didn't hav to sleep in the spare room right? No matter what, don't give that up again! Take the openings she gives you when they are presented and be creative in your ways to spend quality time with her. I'm confident you are on your way!
Just keep reminding yourself when you get discouraged, this takes time! You can do it!
