Thanks for the tips GEL,
W is still working, and my brain is full from reading the Five Love Languages book. My brain was already full from reading DB, DR, Loving Each Other, How to Survive the Loss of a Love, Why Your life Sucks, and half of SSM. I suppose I have been reading so much to try to find ways to get through to W that I know how serious this is. With all my extra spare time while she is gone, it has kept me from going insane (I think). The trouble is, now I have all of these half digested new ideas in my head, and I actually acted on some of them, like moving to the spare room. I suppose I could claim that I have a serious back ache form the crummy spare mattress (truth) I could also say that I miss her and want her so much that I couldn't spend another night in the spare room. Or I could just go to bed in our room tonight before she gets home and not say anything.

One of my big fears is that she isn't really thinking things through for herself. Since she is on the phone for four hours almost evryday (last phone bills, I'm not snooping) How can she be thinking about things on her own. I know that her dad is down on me, and always has been. Her mom likes me a little because I am sweet and loveable and I get along with all of her siblings (she is middle of six) But most of her conversations were with OM who just left his wife of 17 years (moved out on Sunday) I'll call him Mr. Bipolar.

W is so anapproachable, she has scoffed at my date suggestions. She is gone every day of the week, working 5 days, sometimes Sat. morning, then Yoga on Sat. , visits granny on Sunday. So, I get less than twelve hours a week, (way less) to make a good impression. I will continue to ask her for dates. The closest I have gotten so far is a rousing game of Rummikub! I will offer to visit Granny with her on Sunday, and then maybe we can catch a movie. Our dating during courtship consisted of staying up all night working on projects in Art school, or kayaking. All of the creeks are frozen, along with my chances of getting through to her.

How close to the door were you at the worst? She is very close (to asking me to leave but that won't happen) I need to figure out some ways to convince her to be receptive to me again. This morning she told me she feels scarred. I know about scars, and the corresponding numbness. I wonder how I can convince her to feel again. I wonder if I can convince her to feel again. She says that she is sorry for hurting me. I know she is, but I think a part of her wants to hurt me.

As far as initial attractoin is concerned, I am sure that I exuded more confidence when we met, before my business failed, depression set in, and she made it clear that I wasn't meeting her needs. The trouble is, she waited until the love died to make that point clear. She internalized and withdrew over the course of several years, and failed to answer when I asked what was wrong and why she seemed so distant.