Hi GEL
First of all, THANK YOU for sending me to this thread!!!!!!
I moved into the spare room in despaeration, to take the wind out of her sails, after she stated that she was ready to run, and was discussing a trial sep as per her C's rec. She has repeatedly said that she needs space. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea, but the pain of laying so lose to her, and her not wanting my touch, was becomming unbearable, and led to many sleepless nights. It certainly made me realize what she has been dealing with for a long time.

I wanted to act, I WANT HER, but I was following the non pursuit mantra religiously. If I had read these threads earlier, I am certain I would not have moved out of the bedroom.

The reason I feel like I need to ask for the hugs is twofold, one is the DB mantra that I was following, the second is the fact that she keeps her distance. W has sort of laughed at me once for asking for a hug. When I hugged her without asking, she seemed distant and hesitated. She is normally a very expressive person. We recently saw an old friend at a concert, and after her hug he commented that she gives the best hugs... I suppose she reserve those for people on her good list.

I am not going to take the DB thing so literally any more, after realizing that is the more of the same that needs to change. I am sooooo glad that you sent me to these threads from the SSW thread. This has been a serious eye opener. W has one foot out the door, and my current actions aren't really helping matters. In my thread, How to discuss suspected affair I have been told that my move was a good thing, but you are telling me otherwise, and I tend to believe you. You certainly are seeing things from my W's point of view. Beleive me, this stuff is rattling around in my head. I used to keep it there, but I see what it has done to W. It kills me to realize the pain I have caused her. Thanks for your perspective regarding my foolish idea.

W called as I typed this, to tell me it would be a late night for her, to eat without her. Tomorrow she leaves early to work for a bit before Yoga. She won't let me help her, despite her busy schedule. She is now gone for twelve to fourteen hours a day. When she gets home, she eats dinner and promptly falls asleep. She is working the same load as in the past, but her 4 hours of phone calls per day seems to slow her down a bit. It is obvious that she is using her business to avoid me. I have been honest with her from day one, and I believe she is being honest with me. I am just having a hard time dealing with her 180. Before, she always wanted me. Now she has no desire for me at all.

I am going to reread the threads, glean all the nuggets of knowledge that I can, and hope to distill some of that knowledge into action this weekend I know that she still loves me, or at least still cares about me, or she would have already left me. I am hopeful that I can win back her heart and keep her satisfied.