I swore I wasn't coming back to the BB today! But, I must have picked up your vibes.

Thanks for the advice and pick-me-ups. I've been doing SO great lately in focusing on me and my goals...I am surprised at the level of my sadness today. Honey, I realized when you said "she can smell it a mile away," that you're right. I think I'm doing good in the GAL dept. and acting "as if" (man, this group speak thing is SCARY)...then, she drops little grenades like last night:

W: "I hope you didn't get me tickets to the kids' performance on Saturday."
K: "Actually, I did because you said last week you wanted one."
W: "Well, I'm not going. I've got something else that night."
K: "What?"
W (annoyed): "I'm going out with a GROUP."
K: "Ummm...okay. Last week, you said you wanted tickets."
W: "I don't remember that."
K: "No problem. We'll see if some else wants it."

What I'm actually thinking is: "THIS IS THE LAST PERFORMANCE OF THIS PRODUCTION. YOUR KIDS ARE IN IT!! I'VE BEEN AT EVERY PERFORMANCE AND REHEARSAL. THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS SHOW UP TO WATCH AND MAKE THEM FEEL SPECIAL!!!"

I just went to bed (I have a lot of reading to do). Used to, I would have probably complained about her not going. But, then, used to, she WOULD have wanted to go. These days, when I feel like a R minefield discussion is coming, I go to bed. Then, I let her come to me if she wants to talk. It's a very hard row to hoe because this really fits with our old patterns (passive-aggressive) of avoidance. But, the bottom line is, she probably feels that I'm wounded eventhough I don't THINK I'm showing it.

Funny thing is, I think that she wants to go out is a GOOD thing. Before all of this, I used to encourage her to go do things with friends and develop close GFs. She never really was good at that. I just wish she would use better judgement when it comes to things relating to our kids!!

Really, both of us could use more ME time...and US time without our kids. However, we have the kids, they are in our lives and like it our not, we have a responsibility to them. Right now, (WHACK ME IF I'M OFF BASE) I feel like I am the only who is focusing on them in all of this. Of course, that could be because I'm with them every single morning, evening and weekend. Sometimes she's there...many times, she's not! I feel a little taken advantage of! (Okay pity party over--WHACK away!!)

Sorry for all this. Just venting I guess. You guys are the GREATEST!! I'm so lucky to have found this BB.

K