KEB, I understand that you are frustrated and upset with your situation..I'd be devastated myself.
I want to remind you to be aggressive and assertive when dealing with this situation. She needs to see your strength. I know that you are venting here but perhaps you can get psyched up before seeing her tonight. You want your attitude to be one of strength and self assuredness, not fear. She will smell it a mile away and it will turn her off even further!
I know that my husband wants and needs my "permission" to do everything. I don't really like this dynamic..I really wish that he'd be aggressive now and then. It makes me feel like a woman. For that short time in which he is taking charge, we fit into our gender stereotypes and it's a nice and novel feeling!
I know you are afraid of being shot down but you've got a lot of making up to do before you reach her level of shot-down-edness from the last 13 years.
Show her what you're made of. Tell her she looks hot tonight. No expectations, just your true feelings. Pick a date for a date night and arrange everything and JUST DO IT.
If you want her to believe how desperately you want her back, your actions will have to back up your words.
Believe me, I know how hard it is. I have goals that I have set for myself and they are hard for me to meet. I too have lots of excuses why I sometimes don't accomplish them. But, in the final analysis, it will be only me and my conscience. It will be me looking back at my life and wondering, What should I have done differently? The specific excuse I used will be but a distant memory.
Keep up your PMA and work on developing some new habits this weekend. So will I.
