Quote: I don't know why exactly but reading this thread is actually making me less hopeful about my sich. I think this is because the experiences of KEBall and Mr.Fixit make me think that there is nothing I can do to improve the situation besides threaten to leave-again. I've already done the other things they've suggested. I've performed every fantasy my H has shared (except the 2 girls one ) and I've communicated the seriousness of the situation in every way possible short of having "F*ck your wife instead." tatooed on my H's right hand. We were "separated" over this issue for 4 hours last summer and at that time my H vowed to do everything he could if we gave it another chance but as soon as the going got tough this fall when we had some financial problems, my sexual needs dropped right back down to the bottom of the priority list. So now he is getting his second (and last) chance at gaining my trust by showing up twice a week as he agreed. Somedays I think the only reason I keep trying is I don't have quite enough money to leave him until I get my business inventory up a bit more.
Continue to try TALKING with your husband. My wife spent the time building up the arsenal to prepare to leave...but she did it alone or with the advice of people who don't understand both sides. It made her cold and resentful. She claims she did try to talk...and to her credit, she did the best she could. WE did the best we could...but we didn't have the tools...the ability to truly communicate because we never learned.
Don't leave your husband because he can't communicate with you...or understand completely what you're saying to him. You are a GOOD wife. From all your posts here, it's obvious that you are really trying. Don't give up!!
I wish I had more concretes about what you could do. I just read where you wouldn't want him to read your posts on here. But, in some ways it would be SO enlightening. However, I totally agree with you...I wouldn't want my wife to read what I've said.
I implore you again...please don't give up. If you are contemplating leaving. Try to be open and honest with him about it. Us guys are thick-headed, we may be getting clues and signals out the wahzoo but we don't hear them or interpret them correctly. Be gentle and understanding. If your H has a problem with MB, he may actually have an addiction...it's VERY possible. Figure out a way to help him see it...don't be harsh or judgemental (that is hard--I know!!). Read about S addiction (saa.org--i think or you can google it).
All this advice that FixIt and I give is relative. We've seen the light but at least in my case, I don't have all the answers as to why I am the way I am. Through counseling, I am learning some things and coming to terms with things (dark things from my past) that have deeply affected my psyche...and may have completely affected the person I am and the way I've been with my W. We've only touched the tip o' the iceberg.
So, again, I ask you not to give up. Humans are complex...we ALL know that. What makes each of us tick is a math equation of probabilities so numerous that it can never be solved.
Okay...standing down. Sorry for the philosophical assault at this time of day! It's just been an emotional couple of days for me...and I was hoping my progress in C would help slow things with my W. Unfortunately, it hasn't...so, to see someone like you, JJ, who is so capable of success in this area, talking about giving up...it troubles me.
