I am finally learning the truth, but not from my H

[trustinginHim]

My H asked me last night if he might purchase a new laptop computer to use at work and at home. After I had taken a few deep breaths, I said that I WOULD mind him getting a new laptop as it would make me incredibly uncomfortable. And what makes him think I could possibly trust him with a new laptop or on ANY machine at this point in time?

I dropped the subject for a bit as I thought about bringing up the placement of a keystroke logger. I decided that I would rather catch him being good than catch him being bad, so I plunged ahead with our discussion and told him that he could have a new laptop, but in compromise, I would get to place a keystroke logger on ANY and EVERY machine I thought he might use at work or at home for as long as I wanted and only I would have access to the reports from the software. He said he would welcome the accountability.

So at this point, I am thinking, hmmmm....is it as simple as that? I can't really tell if my spidey senses are tingling or not yet,...so I am pondering the following...

Is this truly good and righteous behavior from him....do I really believe it? Or does he simply have me in the position he wants me? Are my thoughts simply based on possibilities or potential reality?

What if he has no need for the internet anymore to connect with other women? Suppose there are plenty of local women he has remained in contact with...there would be no need to use the computer....all he needs is a phone. There are always prostitutes here and when he travels, he's done that before. He can also use his coworkers as covers--they could be knowingly or unknowingly aware they were being used...or he could simply use another computer with no keystroke logger.

If he uses any of the other routes as mentioned above... would I ever become aware of his continued behavior? Plus if the key logger data on all the computers are providing me with positive reports...is this all he really needs to "prove" to me he is behaving aboveboard if in fact he really isn't?

The other major problem is his and my lack of intimacy. When May rolls around next month, we will have had sex one time in the past 12 months, and not from my lack of trying. I really hesitate to call it ML. I don't know if he and I have ever done that in our entire 15 year relationship.

I really want our marriage to work and I want to believe my H is actually trying to finally change, but the doubts linger. Is my H even addressing his addiction? Has he truly acknowledged his behavior and owned it yet, is he really active in his treatment and taking the steps to recover, or is he merely making me grandiose promises and am I still enabling his behavior?

I spoke to a friend this weekend about her brother who was put into a rehab center recently for 30 days for alcoholism after a family intervention. For those 30 days, the counselors forced her brother to focus completely on his addiction and the incredible damage his behaviors caused others and what behaviors existed to cause his alcoholism. It turns out that at some point during the rehab, it was discovered that the alcoholism was merely secondary to his true primary addiction--sex!

It is possible to consider my H a binge drinker, but I doubt he would be classified an alcoholic like my friend's brother. Last night for example he drank an entire bottle of wine by himself. Not good for a diabetic. I had a heck of a time getting him up and out the door to work this morning. Prior to last night though, the last time he drank was this past Thursday evening and it only constituted two beers and prior to that was the previous Saturday where he had one beer.

Drinking the entire bottle of wine last night caused me to recall his extreme drinking behavior at what I believe was the height two years ago of his sexual addiction behavior. I do think the two can go hand in hand. And why did he down a bottle of wine last night AFTER we had our discussion about laptops and keystroke loggers? What is the relevance of that? Will this be the direction his addiction takes now? I am thinking that since the porn has been finally removed from the house, it is now time for all the alcohol to go too.

LG--wondering if all this even constitutes being in piecing anymore, or even on this website