Lost I have never read your thread, but stumbled upon it today. Do you have links to your threads? My H's personality is so similiar, except I dont believe he has porn addiction. I went through the list your H wrote in a previous post about his morals values and who he hurt. It is what I thought of my H when I lived with him.
I started to question my wanting to return to my H because of deeming him narcisstic when I left. All the lies, ego, manipulation and stories came to surface when I read your post.
I too monitored him when we were reconciling. I had to find out what I was dealing with, I never knew the truth and maybe still dont. He was carrying on other relationships and telling them he is getting divorced and writing love letters to me. I needed to get to know this man, my H, because of his false self. He hides behind a mask I never knew existed.
What hit home for me was I had to be precise when asking him a question.
Are you seeing OW? no he would answer, but in his mind he was friends with OW not seeing her.
Are you having an affair? no, because in his mind our marriage was over
Where were you tonight? I had to interview a secretary, in his mind, it was an interview because he asked OW questions.
Did other woman spend the weekend with you? no, because in his mind she came over on Saturday and technically, thats not the whole weekend.
So you see, he never lied to me in his mind.
Sorry about the hijack, but my H just had a pattern of one woman after another after another. I can relate to you and the funnel of confusion in your mind.
