I am finally learning the truth, but not from my H

[trustinginHim]

Hi plk,

You are so very right--if I didn't have Christ in my life I could NEVER forgive my H, in fact, I would have left the first time and NEVER come back to experience round 2 of his cheating. I have shared with H what my current needs are to begin the long road of rebuilding trust, if possible, to any extent. I am just still so very emotionally destroyed.

I have told him that NOTHING he TELLS me means ANYTHING to me at this point and that I and many, many, many others are watching his ACTIONS and behavior and will be for a VERY LONG TIME.

I now have control over his known smut email accounts--he cannot access them. I will monitor the type and number of communications that continue to come in to them for a time before I shut them down for good.

I now have the passwords to ALL his known legit email accounts to monitor the correspondence in those. I have limited him access to his work email account which I continue to monitor, and ONE other legit email account that he uses to correspond with me and his daughter on and am monitoring that. All the rest I have control over and forward any mail to his work email account that I deem is important enough to forward.

The laptop computer is now in my possession. I have turned it over to computer technicians to search and find all files hidden or otherwise stored in the cache of the hard drive and copy them to a disk for me so that I can verify the truth as to what he has told me his reconciliation cheating was limited to. The copy will then be placed in a safe deposit box in case I have no other choice but to divorce him at some point in the future.

All other legit files from the hard drive will then be copied to a separate disk and the old hard drive will be placed in a safe deposit box. A new hard drive will be installed with a new operating system and the legit files will be restored along with a keystroke logger. I will also be installing keystroke loggers on all the computers here at home and the others H has and uses at his work place in his office.

Some friends have suggested to me about putting a GPS monitoring device on H's car because when he was not having sex with women in his office at work or at our home, he would also leave in the middle of the day to meet them in motel rooms locally around town. I guess the device would tell me if he left work during the day and where he went. Supposedly he has NEVER used anything but his own vehicle to do this, but he could always start borrowing someone's car especially if he knew/found out about the device on his car. I am still simply thinking about this.

I have to decide just how closely I feel I need to monitor my H anyway. Because quite frankly, where does all the monitoring end? How long should I continue to monitor him? Should I monitor him at all? What happens if I find out that he is STILL cheating? What then? Am I to be his parent the rest of his life? What kind of marriage is that for me? Can I ever be intimate with him again on any level? Just thoughts I am having that I have no answers to yet because they overwhelm me a bit. Like I said before, I am taking all this very slowly.

I must keep telling myself that my H is a sick man. When we discuss things, I am very aware that he has some VAST communication issues.

For example, I asked him just a few days ago how many women he had brought to our house and had sex with in our bed. He said none. I knew when I asked him this that he had at least done this with BMOW repeatedly during their relationship. I asked him again and he insisted NONE! So I had to get graphic with him. I asked him how many women had he brought into our bedroom and in our bed inserted his p#$%s into their v*&^%a.

He winced when I said that and responded, "Well if you are going to put it THAT way, it has been several." I asked him WHY I was forced to put the question in those terms. He said, "Because I only brought the women I loved into the bedroom and made love to them there. It wasn't just sex. Sex was what I had everywhere else with all the others."

And THAT people is the mind I am dealing with. Communication issues, avoidance issues and denial issues abound still, even with his new found belief in Christ.

LG