LG - I just want to say that your H sounds sincere, not manipulative. And your anger, while justifiable, IS based mostly on finding old stuff - doesn't make it hurt less, but it is OLD stuff. It would be like me finding another love letter now that my H wrote to the OW two years ago. It would hurt like stink, make me furious - but really, what relevance would it have to where we are now?
I think the good thing that has come out of this is your H's acknowledgment that he has a problem. And it is interesting that he states several times that the antidepressants lessened his need to view porn. I've learned a lot about the role of antidepressants in treating compulsive disorders through my daughter's treatment for anorexia, bulimia, and obsessive compulsive disorder. They can work for OCD, compulsive shopping, compulsive gambling, and I would imagine they would work similarly for sexual addictions. Higher doses than those used to treat depression are often required.
I'm not letting him off the hook for his dishonesty. But look - most of the stuff that recently enraged you, you knew already. The last little bit - that he was still holding on to some scraps of porn on his laptop - needed to be addressed but doesn't necessarily seem to be proof of ongoing stuff.
He seems to be genuine in his intentions - so why not cool down and give him a chance at recovery? You can always make decisions later.
And yes, I understand that fury at being "made a fool of" or "taken for a ride" - I wrestled with that one a LOT. But you know, that part was really just my ego getting in the way - it really wasn't that relevant to what was or wasn't going on in our R.
Deep breath. Be kind. Set clear expectations, but give H a chance to meet them. Like I said - big decisions can always be made later.
