I am finally learning the truth, but not from my H

[trustinginHim]

No Ellie, this is for real. My H is a sex addict. Here is some more info from the fiance, and I can verify about 90% right this moment. Give me some time and sadly, I bet I can verify all of it as true.

LG,

Here are some of the answers and the story in its entirety as I know it and as BMOW is telling me as I am asking her right now (trust me, BMOW is in tears (of regret and shame) having to drudge this up but I've told her you have a right to know the truth):

The AFF account (his initial solo account) is listed under "XXXX". This account was opened on 1/18/2003 and is currently active, but only I have the password to access the account. The account is not currently being utilized. Does this mean he does not have one currently being used...I don't know but neither would you due to the fact he does not use a local zip code as his home one so his people that contact him are far from you... That way you have no good audit trail if you did try to do a search on the websites for him.

BMOW opened her account on AFF in April of 2003, due to being betrayed in a way by her ex-husband that would rock the foundation of any matrimonial sanctity. Her ex left her in a state of shambles and looking for affection and caring from anyone that would show her attention. Unfortunately she looked in the wrong places. To be exact, your H has (had) a list of about 10 men that BMOW "met" through the web site (there were not sexual encounters with all of these men). I tell you this in hoping you realize that I am answering any and all of your questions to help you achieve peace and a life you want and to maybe help your H out, as I have helped BMOW through this situation.

Your H initiated contact with BMOW via AFF (she has long since deleted the account and has no correspondence from the initial contact). They met on or around 4/24/2003 at a motel in XXXX. This is a place that they met numerous times over the course of the affair. There was also a Hotel in your town they met at as well as both your house and hers. Not something I know you would like to hear but surely a question running through your mind.

The business story was created in early May as a cover for time spent together. They had joint accounts on AFF and SLS, AFF handle was XXXX and Swing was XXXX (both of these accounts are closed and can no longer be accessed). The swing website is called swinglifestyle.com.

There were at least 3 other women that BMOW knew of prior to her, that were a result of the solo AFF account. One that met him on a trip to XXXX and another that he met at the same hotel in XXXX multiple times. The 3rd that she recalls was one that he met at a park in XXXX. Apparently he was willing to share his sexual history with BMOW and also told her that he had been "Seeing" other women since late 1996 mostly "escorts" in San Antonio and in OKC. BMOW has shared with me the details of their encounters with 3 other women, all initiated from the accounts they had created on AFF.

Together they met with several women and initiated in threesomes, mainly meeting these women multiple times in the metroplex. When you left your H, he basically shut down and ceased to function and BMOW stepped in and took care of him. She got the bills paid, put the household back together, brought him furniture, cookware, bathroom stuff, the linens for your step-son's room, cleaned the house and was there at his beckoned call. She put her family life on hold to make sure he was taken care of, right or wrong. His telling her he loved her all the while and her believing it to the point of her looking for a job so she could leave her ex and forge her own life and see where it would lead with your H.

The problem laid in the fact that your H is VISUALLY stimulated by women with petite figures but is SEXUALLY stimulated by rubenesque women. This is not a assumption but something he told BMOW. So when the time came that BMOW basically called his hand and wanted to see where the relationship would go....he ended the relationship due to not wanting to raise her children or having to deal with a strong willed woman which he said would be like going back to his first marriage. They had a conversation on the phone, they agreed it was over and BMOW packed up all of the business stuff and took it back to his house.

Within a week or so she decided she wanted the stuff back, she had spent so much time at that point on it and in truth she still wanted a connection to him.

They agreed to let her have it back. Over the course of a few months, obviously the need for the connection on BMOW's end of things died as she realized how unhealthy her behaviors had been. BMOW has gone through a painful divorce, started a new life and relationship and is completely focused on her children, family and the future.

As for the company, she felt she would continue to try and make it a go to actually make something for the partners that invested time, effort and money. In the past 8 months the real motivation has been to try and recoup some investment and I have aided in some areas, but it's hard with no input from your H or others as to new things going on and so much more that could have been done with minimal input on their parts. At this point, it's very clear that the company needs to be dismantled, it is continuing to bring reminders of pain and strife to all those connected.

Obviously there are lot's of details and things that occurred during their relationship that I can't possible spell out in a single email. I hope that you understand that I share this with you truly in the spirit of bringing closure to these past events for everyone and that even though I really don't know you, that I can trust that these details will only be used for the purposes of healing your own situation. BMOW talked about your initial break up and that your H had told her that you were going to make the divorce between you very public and that it was your intention to ruin him and every aspect of his life.

I obviously doubt that this is your true intention at this point or I would not be sharing these details, it is not my intention or BMOW's to maliciously take place in the destruction of anyone's life. Enough pain has been shared by all involved and it's truly time to end everything for everyone's sake.

And you know the fact that your H is not owning up to his part in the affair or the true facts to what happened.... I hope that our correspondence helps you help him get the counseling he needs. Unfortunately, a person has got to want to change in order to actually have it do any good.

I am so so sorry that this was that much of a shock to you...both BMOW and I had thought that surely you had some inclination due to having heard y'all were trying to work through all of this in counseling.

I am so very sorry for your pain and I can tell you that BMOW is TRUELY sorry for the pain she was a party to in the past and in retelling of the past. BMOW really does believe that your H truly loves you... All through their affair he always said he was in love with you and hoped for your happiness and how beautiful he thought you were... But this is truly a sickness.

Sex addiction is a valid and real illness and not one easily dealt with but one that is treatable. The lies are just part and parcel to the problem that lay at the root.... I have faith and hope and pray though that you find comfort and guidence in your faith and prayer and those around you that you CAN trust and lean on.

Don't give up on him even though he has caused you pain...all of this is not neccessarily about you but about an illness.

If he does love you, and BMOW says he does.... When you find the strength to confront him... If he wants you he will move Heaven and Earth to keep you and will seek help without prevocation. If not... I am not sure what to say but that you will for sure be in our thoughts and prayers.

Sleep, Rest and know that wounds heal but need treatment and time.

A friend,
Fiance