Is this really so insurmountable??

[heatherg]

My betrayal was physical. I kissed another man. A man I had zero interest in, but that pursued me with lavish compliments, which is what I desperately needed from H. It was not difficult to end things with this person, I barely knew him and was not remotely attracted to him. Our brief "relationship" had a physical facade, but what he really provided to me was emotional.
I had been trying to talk to H about our marriage for a long time before this incident happened. Our problems go sort of deep and way back. H has been a big drinker since I met him, but I've "normalized" this behavior while at the same time hating it with an intense passion. Discussions about his drinking have been off limits forever. He has gotten better over the years-he used to drink 6 nights a week, now he drinks 2. Seriously drinks. He may have up to six beers on a "non drinking" night, but he drinks 14 on Mondays and Fridays which are his nights to get drunk.
I also used to find a lot of evidence of pornography sites, etc. on the computer which I found extremely offensive b/c even after two kids I am thin, in shape and take care of myself. I suppose with OM I was also receiving validation that I could be to someone else whatever it is that the pornography was to H. I needed that. Also, once we had children H became an almost obsessive father-would never leave kids to do anything with me, not even go to a movie. On the rare occasions we went to a movie, it had to be during their nap time. His mother offered to babysit for us once a month so we could go to dinner and a movie. We went once and he seemed bored with me the entire time and would never go again. His relationship with our son is actually somewhat extreme, I'll post more on that later. Also, H travels in spurts for his job. During the months before my indiscretion, he had been gone for about 7 months, home only on the weekends. He would still drink Friday night, so that night was ruined for me. Sat and Sun were spent doing things with the kids so they could reconnect with Daddy. I was invisible. Quite literally. So anyway, I tried to tell H the things that bothered me and he never validated anything I said. He insists that the things I have problems with are only problems b/c of the way I perceive them. He also says that if it wasn't those things, it would be something else. I'll never be happy. And at this rate, I probably won't.