Is this really so insurmountable??

[heatherg]

The past few days have been really good. That is great news. He's acting like he wants to try-making small talk and small affectionate gestures. That is definitely progress. You are all so determined....I've read through some of your threads and you should all be so proud of yourself for hanging in there. I posted yesterday hoping that what I was saying wouldn't offend anyone-I realize that many of you are on the other side of the fence-you have been cheated on. I can't imagine what it feels like to be on that side of the fence, but please keep an open mind when you read my thread and remember that every situation is so very different. I do know that having an affair is wrong-but consider this: if your partner would have told you they were considering an affair before they actually acted on it, what would you have done? It seems you would want to know why, would seek to better understand. Inside, we all want to be good partners. My H didn't do that. I asked for more time together, explaining that I truly felt we were drifting apart. I told him I could feel bad things on the horizon. When you drift apart, bad things can happen. Those were my exact words. At that point, I was not engaged in any wrongdoing, but I could tell that I was too flattered by the attention of other men. We have problems in our marriage that (presumably) he can do nothing about, i.e. his alcohol problem. But spending time together is a small easy request. His mother offered to babysit once a month so we could go to dinner and a movie. We tried it once and he wouldn't go again. I cannot explain the way this all made me feel. Insignificant. A mother and nothing more. I am only 30!
Please do not judge me too harshly. I have a lot of anger and frustration and I feel that I all but told my H that something was coming although I didn't know myself what that something was. Remorse is something that is inside as well, but it's not nearly as forthcoming as the anger. I think my H has a hard time with that. He wants to see that I am sorry, but I do not know how to express being sorry to someone who is being cruel and hateful, doing things he has no business doing like trying to keep me away from my children. That's war! How do you be sorry when all that stuff is going on? But things have gotten much better. It is still hard if I let myself think about all the things that have transpired and his absolute denial that any of this has been a result of his behavior. But I try not to think so much about that.