H, I think you have come to the right place for support and "venting". Have you read DB yet? If not, I definitely recommend you do as it will give you a stepping ground to get started on. I don't think you insensitive, I think you are frustrated with the situation and therefore you are "reacting" to your H's "reacting" to the situation, I hope that makes sense to you. You are scared, and when we are scared we tend to try and "control" the situation in order to make things better, but in essence we tend to make more craziness. I definitely speak from experience because I've been where you are, trust me. My H and I also went through about a year or maybe longer where we were "there" and I so wanted to be partners but he had no interest anymore, I had "betrayed" him. It was not until Dec. that my H finally saw that I was doing for ME that I was no longer going to "fix" the M and control the outcome, and that's when he changed because I changed. I let go, I did for me, I lived for me, I became a better person for it and now I have my M back, more importantly my H back. The man I fell in love with, we work together, we try, but it's definitely work. Unfortunately, your H is not going to respond to you, he has told you he doesn't want you as his W, however, he has not mentioned D so there is definitely postives in the situation. List them, you guys live together, you have had some physical contact, though not kissing, it's still contact and that's a positive, he still involves you in the "family" time and that is another positive. My advice, no more R talks at all. No more "persuing" or trying to "fix" it, no more trying to convince H that you are sorry, bottom line, no R talks. If and when you read DB you will see you need to start doing things and taking care of things for you. Right now your H is only concerned for his feelings and how he feels, no amount of talking or letters are going to change his mind, in fact, it may even push him further away, because he is hurting and the hurt was caused by you. H may feel that forgiving you would be giving you back the "power" or letting you get away with it. Unfortunately, you're going to have to go with his time clock on it for the time being. Making changes in you, however, will spark a change in him, I mean think about what your betrayal did, it changed him for worse, changes in you for the better will only make him change for the better. Make some goals, get a life outside of your M. Do things by yourself, put some mystery back in your life. Start acting "as if" meaning, act as if you are fine with the situation, that it doesn't bother you, monitor the results and see what happens. These are just suggestions and they worked for my situation and I was where you were, for a long time unfortunately, and when I found this sight, my life, my M and ME all changed for the better Good luck
