Hi Martha. Thanks for dropping by. I had a real tough time last week. I took a good bit of time and read some of the other threads in this particular forum and I got all sick all over again. I missed my wife terribly...perhaps the worst since she left. I miss her emotionally more than anything else. All I wanted was to be loved and respected by her...well, mostly that. I did get sick and tired of the overboard over-indulgence of her daughter, but that I could tolerate. It was the passive-aggressive anti-John's family stuff from this girl that really bothered me. On top of that, her mother just became totally obsessed with over-indulging and over-protecting this 20 year old princess. My xw (her mother) certainly began to perceive that anything I said about her that was not glowingly positive and adoring or highly complimentary was an attack on her, that I was constantly picking on her. This was not true, but I see how she interpreted it that way with her daughter's help by complaining about it all the time. Anyhow, I still want my wife back, I am not dating, I don't want to date and in fact if the opportunity came my way for at least some physical attention from a ravishing vixen, I don't think I could even perform. I want my wife back. Plain and simple, I want to work on the R with her. I am considering writing her a letter addressing some of the perceptions she wrote about in her letter she sent in reply to mine asking about her helping the boys cope. That letter from me to her helped pretty much only on the following weekend.
Yesterday at church, xw gave the boys a very casual "hi" and didn't make much effort at engaging either of them in conversation even though one of them sat right beside her in youth group Sunday School. They were upset about it, but after I spoke with them, it was obvious that at least the older one is not really giving her much of an opening to have a conversation with her as he just strode by her when she said hi. I talked at length yesterday with them regarding them deciding what kind of R they wanted with her and if they wanted something, then being closed to it was not going to get them what they want. It is tough to orchestrate the behavior of three individuals working at the pre-teen mindset...especially when one is 46 years old. We skipped worship service because they were upset. I have mixed feelings in that I am scared to have her vent on me again like she did last fall, I want to rebuild our R and M, I really don't want to see her because it stirs up feelings. I am pretty sure we still love each other, but then again, she abandoned a M because she felt...well, I just have never gotten a solid answer from her on that. I know she has obsessive/compulsive tendancies and from what I have read about it, when those get large enough in your life to alter your behavior, then it is really a disorder. People with this apparently get really strongly upset when regular life changes for them, especially their daily routines. So, I think the transition of trying to blend a family coupled with older ones growing up, going to college, moving away...well, maybe it was just too much change at one time for her to handle emotionally. I know her obsession with trying to compensate her daughter for all the circumstances in her life that weren't perfect was practically overwhelming her last spring. There are some other things in the background that I am less clear about. A little over a year ago, something happened and my wife started to quit on the R. I don't know if it was an argument, a discussion about her son's college graduation 1200 miles away and that trip (which my sons and I were NOT invited to) which didn't go very well and I found out later she harbored strong feelings of ill-will against me for, my son's wedding, or if it was something else or all of it wrapped together. Maybe it was the custody trial from the previous year. I just don't know. All I know is that she never said she didn't love me or anything like that. All I have really gotten is "I don't want to be with someone who doesn't love my kids enough." In short, my mental state is "this sucks."
