Thanks Jo (those are the first two letters of my xw's given name and what her older brother calls her). My spirits are up. I have decided that continuing to ask "why" of myself and C have merited nothing of substance and is definitely a cheeseless tunnel. I think speaking of our R to my xw at this point is a cheeseless tunnel...so is perhaps writing her another letter with commentary on her last letter to me at this point. I do need to let her know one of these days that she was not nearly the inadequate wife she thinks she was to me. For crying out loud, she turned a conversation where I let her know that some of the ways she was showing her love for me were not my love language into a proclamation that she was a failure as a wife. She has tremendous self-esteem problems and until she can address some of those, I can't revisit some of those issues with her. The facts are that her only real inadequacy as a wife was in the areas of conflict resolution and her commitment to our relationship...which came in a far second to her ideas of fulfilling her kids' needs. Granted the second one was huge, but certainly the first could be learned better and with counseling, I know we could have worked through the second, but she is just too emotionally exhausted to even try that. In the analogy of our C, apparently my xw saw our relationship as a gangrenous limb on the body of her life and amputation was her way of self-preservation. Fortunately, my boys and I are far from gangrenous! Thanks for the support Jo. I know I would be going absolutely bonkers if I were in your sitch. You are the epitome of learning and strength with regard to DBing. Carry on dear lady!
BTW, it is too late under three circumstances I am told:
1) one of you remarries,
2) one of you dies, or
3) the second coming of Christ.
