Well, its been some days without writing... and many things happened..!! thanks slowly for your encourage words
First, i began working with that old friend, isnt too much what i will earn, but although this works doesnt takes me too much time (in creative writing i create so quickly )... but my friend assure me he will pay me more in a moth... At the same time i received a call asking me to offer my radio programing class again and this is date for may 11...!!... At the same time i am working so hard in an independent teens project for radio and i will present it next week to a friend, owner of a radio... so... by that side it seems my finances will be better soon and th best part i am feeling more occupied and pride of myself now...!!
About my R situation... there is not too much changes... althpough i had talked again with h and he feels the same "he doesnt feels happy" and he is still trying to find the answers to his feelings with therapist help, i also catched some new points... i know that we cant beleive in any word and that a word can change so rapiddly in a second but here are the points he said last talk
1- he again said he dreams living forever with me and his children
2- he told me that although he felt sometimes wishes to hold me and kiss me, the no affection and no sex at all behavior was an agreement with his therapist just to avoid creating expectations or hopes between us
3- He said that at this point, althpugh he only has a short time going to therapist, he had get some positive points for continuining with R and bad points for continuing
4- Bc what he said, it seems so important for him the friends, the world, the moments we share and enjoy together and that he knows that will end with a D.

In that conversation was the first or second time i enfatized him about him being in crisis... that bc again he began descalificating me, again telling me i was so fat, ruined and that was the cause or the main cause of all... so... i cant acept that kind of descalifications again and again also i told him i respect he feels everything is image and everynones has to be a top model to feel well with himself or herself... for the first time i spoke about narcicism... and after that talk i sent him a picture history of myself fr the last 6 years... and yes... in all phootos, with himself or alone, he could see me so beauty, thiner and smiling...!!
Right now he had two days, two morning in a row huging me and being affective... So, lets see...
my goals right now ar not himself and his crisis... is mylsef and my project works...
Stay around and i will appreciate your comments...
Andrea