Ellie:
i am really not conviced about my h suffering from Depression...Yes, he has a great existencial crisis but a depresive man will take antidepressive pill and his Therapist didnt prescib that...!... he is so happy doing his running training, he seems to be so happy with himself, the kids... so... its only about me as he said last conversation...
You are so right about me preparing finantial issues... i dont know if i will get a job sooner, bc in my country is difficult to get ones right now... i am working in some freelance proyects and hopes it can be aprove...!! I know that if i D right now, will beguin a battle and until that battle isnt decide i will be on bankrupt... i know how he will behave... giving me less than th exact ammount my childs need making sure there is nothing more for me... By th othr hand i know also he doesnt want to recognize a doubt he has with me... bc i sold my apartment to buy his clinic action and we signed a legal paper to secure myself about conserving the only property my father gave me if anything change between us... So, he right now, and in the past separation, had said that was a gift for th comunity and that he soesnt owned me nothing...!! also we are paying our apartment, we give 50% of the total ammount, and we are paying the rest to a bank who gave the credit.. I say "we" bc the only money i gt mensual bc liquidation paying agreemnt from my last job i pay all children school... so, i also contribute a little to home finances, plus caring my children that counts a lot...!! The other possible splitt part is the action of the clinic... and his equipment and all the value in his office...!!... and he has a better car than me that value more... So... i know it wont be easy and bc of that i am trying to breath and breath and breath and try to follow on...!!.. But you know, it is not easy to feel rejected, hated... not loved...!!... it is so sad to sleep besides a man who doesnt feel anything for you...!
I need to tell you he is trying to makes thing flow normal... i explain... yeserday, at morning, after he rejecting again my hugs when we awake, i exploded and said him: i think we better divorce bc i am suffering too much... then i sent him message phone saying " i love you "... he asnwered, thanks... then i replied "you welcome, but i tell you this just for you to understand what i said this morning... maybe i will take some deccisions that will hurt me and will hurt other ones, but is precisallly bc i am the only one who is loving noW"...
We didnt talk all day, so, i was taking bath with my little baby bc i had a familiar reunion on my mother home... He called to my cell phone, and asked my D to ask me at what time we (children and me) will be going to my mothers home"... He got home, and went with us so normnal, talking about everything, trying to be ina great mood... i dont understand... he told me he doesnt want to kill any hopes but at the same time he doesnt want to create any expectations about us... So... doing the normal, socials way out with family, friends, isnt a way to create expectations or to continue a false picture about us.?... and i had noted that ecah time i talked about D in a serious way, he changes inmediatly his behavior... I dont know if i want to continue that false getting out, as a normal couple.... next thursday we have 2 invitations with other good friends couple and i dont know if it can be the best to ask him not going together... Please stay around
Andrea
By the way, the made who works here at home, coincidentially, needs to go to his town bc her parents are getting divoce... she was so sad...