Fnally we went out to talk... this is a ressume, fresh ressume... my h words in red... my words in green...
While we went in the car I began saying

what i looked for, inviting him to have dinner, was to be able to talk relaxed, in calm, without the kids arund... that we can talk of which we wanted to talk, of those subjects that we felt to taste talking, without hurting, desires to damage to the other, with humor, peacefully. If we wanted to speak of us, so we do it, if we wanted to speak of the children, so we do it, of its training running, of my working project , of which really each one we wanted to speak.
In that we arrived at the restaurant requested whiskey bottle, we took the caldito... and he began to speak with the following:

what I think is that our M, this R has bad time, I do not know, I do not feel well and your either, I do not feel happy and you either. After all what we have lived... so... I am going to C session because I believe that I need it to know, to find out what is what it happens to me, if I am who is bad. I know that the fact that now I am thinner, that I am in this note of health, has affected to me. I perhaps love more myself but also perhaps there are certain values i had loose or i had taken other that I do not know if they are been mistaken, perhaps yes, perhaps the one that is mistaken is me...

I know that things do not have been the good that both wished, but by a side I express what i need from you, you know it, but by another side you do not communicate nor express nothing. Only you have been centered in the subject that you want me skinny, so thin, without smoking... but I believe that this issue, althpugh important, cannot be everything.

is not it everything, but it matters... You was so atractive and thin when we returned, and later you didnt care about yourself, your image, yoou began to smoke like a crazy person , your teeth you did not take care of them, you do not eat healthy, dont do exercise.... etc etc etc about my image

how you are saying that...??.. I will not be like Jennifer lopez, but I love and care myself more and more, every day I make exercises, I make my diets, I settle myself like amy woman who eats a dessert eventually... is certain that I have not been able to leave the cigarette, but that is so difficult for me, and yes, i wanted to leave it bc myself, my children, you, and I have not been able, the anxiety plays an important factor in that... but you know i am trying, i only smoke a little right now, not in front of you... i clean my teeths in dentist office.... but also I believe that isnt everything although it concerns so much to you...

nooo... how you can say that you take care of your image...?... perhaps you beleive that but isnt true... you do not eat healthy, etc etc.... but heyyy.... I am not saying that that is only the important thing, I do not know, maybe i am the one who is wrong... now I am another person... and perhaps that person that always I wanted to be, perhaps I never was the fatty XX you net... That is what I am analyzing... analyzing me, our relation, my relation with my parents, my work... you had dvice me to do C session, that this was so important for me and both ... perhaps that in a future we will be laughing about this crisis... or not... Also the age influences, I do not know, i am 43, and I pay attention to my papa and my mother, who never have been happy nor knew how to be happy... The other day, before going away to the island, passed my papa by my doctor's office, with a face of defeated, saying me that he did not support my mother, that he was going with her to sell the apartment although they did not consult it, but that later any thing could happen, and I remained shut up, thinking... what hell can pass... if you are 70 years old, pa where you are going to take hold at this point? Now what you can fix...?

And why they didnt fixed it... they were separated...?

Yes, and you remember... that my mother get jelaous because he was leaving with a woman lawyer... You remember? And then they returned...

and they were well.

Yes, and we used to said them the "tortolitos", so lovely, but later they returned to the same

can it be because your mother never gave affection him, mimos to that old... because your old one never changed its stubborn and maniátic way, always claiming... who knows?

Yes, but I put myself to think, that that is my father, and I am son of him...

So, you mean that you take that in the genes...?... No, the people can be very different from what they have criticized or judged...

Well, that is what I am trying to analyze in C sssions... i use to make comparition, when M who had lived also crisis and had returned so happilly, being seen other couples... Also another that made the decision to separate and also they have remade their life...!!... See... when I think about an ideal marriage, you know about what I think... in you papa and your mother...!!... that in spite your mother had many errors, your papa would have others, but their R was perfect, was loved, wanted...

It cheers to me that at least of this living together you have been able to enjoy one of the people who i love more in my life... And perhaps bc living so close to that relation, is that I refuse to have one R with so many faults, deficiencies and necessities for me...! I was very near my papa, trusted me so many times when he was mad with my mother... but he always loved her, lofe for her, care so much about her until he died...

Yes... and you had done crazy saying once, in those mails that you wrote being separate, that I had said that your papa was alcoholic...

I never said that, because I know how much you loved my papa...

Yes, you did it, I have it kept, in a folder with all mails that you had sent while we were separate...

ahhh, you have a folder...??... a file of all?... (i said that laughing)

yes... and perhaps will came a day when we can read it and laugh...

Good, so look for it and bring it to me bc i cant remember saying that...

I do not know if i can find it, but you said it... and said that bc you had reasons... because you were so badly, I was doing in a mistake way... leaving with carolina... with a girl of 25 years, showing me for everybody... Clear that you had to be wounded...!!...

and what trigger this crisis now that you feel... because although you say that we do not have been well or, the things flowed... without much communication, with dissatisfactions of side and side, but we passed it that last december in the island, so lovely, and we made love, and after a conversation so heavy we had one night while we were there, you look for me at bed, saying to me that you loved me, that was clear you want to be with me... and this... what happened, what could trigger it...?

I dont know... everything did not come well... well, perhaps it was seing you fatty, the teeth... well, already you had taken off the stones in your teeths, but now...!!...

ys, it is clear... your eternal philosophy of already you miss that train... XXX can we together raise to the hill?... you missed the train... XXX can we train jogging together?... no, already you missed the train... From my intimate scents, you jump to the teeth, and from to what??... ahh, to the nails...?!!.... See. i feel so confortable with my self, of course i can be better, but right now i love my image... I am this woman... and much people love me being me, bc my values, my image...

Hey, I am not saying that that is the only important... but everything what we happened, and we have not learned of that.... I was with a young girl, that does not matter now and mean nothing, but my hormones excite because she was so atractive, skinny

XXXX, you do not know what you are losing with that attitude??... The life is short for those pendejadas... The life is flavorful to accept that although she is late, the other person loves you and wants to share with you.. Since death of Alexander Kovacs (a mutua doctor friend who died suddenly) stuck much to me... a shining type, in best epoca of its life, with a happy pair, and zás he killed himself... I do not know if maybe bc my 40 years, i had begun to questioning my life, my relation... the time that I take wishing the impossible thing to obtain from you at least until this moment... the wanting it you cause me... I have retaken my psychologist also, because I want to analyze myself... I want to analyze what I really want and what agrees to me... and if what I want is possible... i will love to share the rest of my life by your side, giving you affection that today I deprive myself of giving you bc my dignity, helping you, making you feel supported, but I have said myself that I am rowing single... that single, only by myself, cannot arm the scene, the new R better for you and for me....!!... You said we have not learned anything of which had happened, and i think the contrary... yes... that we learned much... Because on second separation I really felt with forces to face a new world single... with my kids maybe i will meet another couple... I denied to accept a relation in the heat of crisis, because it wasnt healthy, because was not going to leave nothing good until i closed your door... and thus i said to my friends, but knew inside that sooner or later that door would be closed... and with the persistence i put in that I believe that was going to be faster of which thought... about that second separation I felt so confortable with my new space, my friendships, my kids, my life without you... And yes... I know i love you so much, but i will cry, and time will follow.... and I can do it by my own with my kids...

Single with your kids?... no, I will be wih them also...! (Annoying)

Single, with my kids... I do not mean that they are not going to have you... i know you will be there for them... but I will be single with them day to day... perhaps with a couple later, but equal... from Monday through Friday single with them... mami I have a celebration, and i single take them... mami i have a party and single take the other... you are going to see them, but a weekend yes and the other one not... That is the reality and point... maybe is your torments and feelings of fault that are bothering but what i had said is the true...

all i want is my family until always... being together always...

is not the family, is me... when you returned the last time i said it to you... they are going to be ok... luckyly isabella every day takes it better with me, anabella was the one who had the crisis in the past, I will have to take it better... but they are going to be ok...!!... it is about us... about me!!

Good, I do not know... I wanted to know what I feel... I do not want to throw, to make love, and then the same situation......

but we are leaving with other famillies travelling, and taking a fictitious familiar life... i worry bc the kids, I feel bad lying them, that think that papi and mami are so good and suddenly , zás, divorce... because between us are no fights, nor shouts... In addition I prefer that my women kids have in me the example of wht a woman deserve from a R, and what she must not accept more. I prefer that they understand that their mami separated from daddy because she did not feel loved, because papi did not love her, that they do not lives the example you had lived with your parents, as you say they do not support nor they fixed to nothing...!!....

(Shut up, thinking)... Also the economic thing worries me... I do not know, the med consult sometimes is well, sometimes receives anybody..

and I am the cause, or have done something for preocuparte you more...? I try always to help you... perhaps with the stork or the other newspaper that I do to you, they, does not help nothing, but I feel at least that yes... and I do not works as your secretary because respect your space, I believe that this is totally counter-productive...

Clear that they help me a lot....!!... is tremendous aid.... but also every day you call me and always it is for requesting to me money for a gift, money for the other... things that I know must buy... I know that you do not spend it in chanell, in.... but you must call, and I understand that you must make those expenses... i know that in the past you did work and I felt more alleviated

Thus it is, and i did not want being always requesting money, i feel bad too... in fact you will be realizing that now your own kidss call you when they need money, because if above I have to call whenever they have an excursion, verbena, or any other cost... hopefully had a current account ... but I do not have.... for some reason you have not given it to me... And is full important for me... because of a side it is the economic point, but by another one I am a shining woman, with much to create professionally, so I am moving in that way....

I have to pick up my child... i will continue later... i will appreciate your coments...