I agree in letting H come back- as long as he understands his boundaries as a stepfather, not an authority figure; though that can be a very hard thing for even the best parents to figure out.... I also agree that as children they should not be given the right to chose the way things go... this may very well set them up for the belief at some point that things always go their way. ( of course there are a lot of factors in this last statement, but I don't mean for it to be over analyzed...)
I look at it this way: We as parents are responsible for setting a good example for our kids. Is not fixing a marriage and not working together with your spouse a good example? Not really. Instead let's show our kids that in life people have their difference and things that aren't great happen. But none of that means we should give up or run away on people we care about. Let's show our kids that though life hands us difficult situations we can overcome our grudges and learn to love and trust and work together again.
