Quote: Totally disagree. One thing I do agree with is a child should have an "opinion" but not to govern what is best for his mother or see how it is thru his eyes. A child should "never" dictate what a parent wants to do. She gave birth and life to that child and it's her life to live according to her needs. He has emotions, yes he is hurt and doesnt want this, but life is not handed to anyone. You take the good with the bad.
Z - I feel completely the opposite. I feel that a parent's number one obligation is to their child, and that should be more important than getting their needs for romantic fulfillment met. No, children should not be "in charge" or run the household. But too many parents expect their children to just go along with remarriages, step-parents and step-siblings, with no real consideration for what the child is feeling.
I know that in my own (intact) family, my S18 had a lot of problems expressing his anger about his father's affair. While relieved that we had worked it out, he carried a lot of resentment towards my h for his betrayal, and it started to come out in some subtle ways a long time after. Truthfully, my H was so embarrassed by his own behavior, that while he did plenty to make it up to me, he really didn't pay enough attention to repairing the damage he had done to his R with the kids by falling off the pedestal.
I think to tell a 16 year old boy he should just welcome back his stepfather because it makes his mother happy, with no acknowledgment of the pain HE has suffered due to this betrayal, would be putting her need to have a man in her bed ahead of her obligation to give her son a good home.
I'm sure that son can be brought around IF H will put the required effort into his R with his stepson. But I think the obligation is on H to repair it, not on S to just shut up and put up.
