can't continue to watch any more of the episode as there's something wrong with the sound so it feels like I'm watching a bad kung foo movie.
I don't really like to watch shows on affairs in the fru fru style of oprah (not that I don't like her) becuase there's something a bit soft about it all.
affairs are foolish and often times we can feel foolish for accepting it as a mistake our partners made. they are not something that will ever go away even if the op does it will always be something that changes the r for ever...sure some of the change will be for the best but the scar will always be there waiting to rear it's ugly head.
Shawn The show is still on. It's actually a follow up to one that she did last year in May. That one I think was just about one family where the guy cheated on his wife for 15 years and finally decided to tell her about it. The today's show deals with the same family plus several others.
Interesting thing was just brought up. Some woman said she would like to know all the details (the same thing I wanted and mostly got) and the therapist that's one of the guests on the show said it's not a good thing because it creates "new memory trauma". I think I see the point of that because it happened to me but I also feel that once I got my details I did not have to have my imagination run wild and make things up that were probably out of the proporsion for what really happened.
Was my H truthfull when he gave me the details? I hope so, I Saw the affect it had on him when he was telling/answering questions. I was so hung up in the first month on trying to work out how I should behave, how I should allow this to affect me that I kept agonizing over him and her. Now, maybe I don't know everything, and I still do get angry when letting my mind wonder but I have this peaceful feeling that I'm strong, I am taking care of myself and it's my time now.
How have you been lately? I was catching up on the posts (not posting much myself) and was sad to see that you had some backslides (personal and others). Hope you were able to kick back from the bottom and you're on your way to the top again.
LL I do agree that it was a bit soft (maybe it needed a touch of Dr. Phill? - personally I'm not too fond of the guy though) but it might be because she was allowing the guests and the audience to interact more than to have that interaction herself. I felt like smacking one of the guests for pretty much allowing the H to do have that A and almost letting him know that if it happens again he will still have home to home to come back to.
I do believe though that some of the other aspects were helpful - to me at least. I feel that it might be so beause some time has passed for me to get used to what happened (couple of months) - if the timing was different the show might have gotten me angry and not allow for the patience that is needed to work on my M.
I'm doing better. A day at a time..ya know. W has given me some real positives lately. Her telling me the relationship is important to her and she feels the end result of the seperation should be getting back together were all real good for my PMA.
I get involved in that crazymaking also, wondering what they're doing. How he treats he. I hope that if she can make it back to our R that I am ready to handle the details, if she wishes to divulge.
Cross that bridge when we get to it.
ShawnL
So if you're tired of that same old story, turn some pages. I'll be ready when you are able, to roll with the changes. - REO Speedwagon
Shawn I'm very happy for you! I guess sometimes it takes a backslide to find a way back up - a way that will actually get you there. When it comes to crossing the bridge- you will know what's the best for you once you get there. Trust your feelings.
Quote: I feel that it might be so beause some time has passed for me to get used to what happened (couple of months) - if the timing was different the show might have gotten me angry and not allow for the patience that is needed to work on my M.
crushed,
it's been almost three years for me and I can tell you that an affair in a m is like cancer in your body. You may go into remission but you need an anual check up to ensure it doesn't come back. Thus the scar rearing it's ugly head. Even the best recovered marriages still struggle with lingering thoughts/fears of the a and I'm not so sure our society isn't breeding a new group who accept and expect to deal with infidelity in the course of their m. (something Oprah even addressed on the show) I'm not conviced that all the shows, special, movies don't play a role in that false "understanding"/ "acceptance" of affairs thus making them more prominent.
I think shows like Desperate Housewives, and the popularity surrounding them, are a sign of how endemic this has become in our society. Sure affairs have happened since marriage was conceived, but the level of acceptance of that behavior in a society is a reflection of a societies values.
These are issues which have been grappled with by the likes of Aristotle, Nietzshe and Satre. Scholars many generations from now may look back and see the beginnings of the downfall of our society. What we can do is no longer tolerate an open acceptance of this behavior. I feel we must stand for our spouses and our marriages.
ShawnL
So if you're tired of that same old story, turn some pages. I'll be ready when you are able, to roll with the changes. - REO Speedwagon
Quote: What we can do is no longer tolerate an open acceptance of this behavior. I feel we must stand for our spouses and our marriages.
aren't these two statements contradictory? If we are no longer to tolerate an open acceptance of this behaviour how are we to be expected to stand for our spouses and marriages when this type of behaviour presents itself in them?
I have been following your thread..Way to go girl!
I, too, saw that Oprah show. I was even thinking of ordering the tape to share with some friends who are going through the same things.
Hey, just curious, how long did H go through MLC? My H is still testing the waters but doesn't want to seem to let go of OW..I know it's replay. However, he admits he doesn't love her, etc. It's just someone there. Give me a break!
Anyway, I too, am in NJ..Is there something in the water here or what??
Hey, have fun on that cruise..Any pointers you can throw my way will be greatly appreciated..I am on the MLC forum.
MTN I still don't know if my H had MLC or something totally different. I remember when he found a book that a friend of mine gave me that delt with that subject. I was away (it was during the V-day weekend and we already reconciled) and he was cleaning the house. He got rather upset that I had that book. Had to explain to him that it wasn't really mine.
Whatever it was, it took him three and a half months to work through from the time he dropped that bomb. He said that it took him a year to build up to that point (he also said he wasn't happy from the very beginning of our R when we started to live together) - how much of it is true and how much was the "rewritten" history - I don't know. I'm passed the point when I want to bring it up to get answers. I still find myself looking at him when he doesn't know and thinking what a total A$$ he's been to me throughout that time period.
This too shall pass...I hope. If you have any more specific questions ask away - I am here to help as much as I possibly can.
