Decided to start a new thread because the old one seemes to be hijacked plus I haven't visited it for a while. Where is everyone? Psluke? Sportster? Shawn? JC? JPB? What's going on?
Things are going great on my end. I've been very open and communicating with my H about my feelings and issues. He's been off his meds for the past couple of weeks (he either lost them or someone stole them from his desk at work) and he's been little moody lately but nothing major. We are going to Chicago (AGAIN!) at the end of the weekend and we'll be staying one night at the hotel and one night with my parents. It should be a lot of fun. We are also planning cruise at the end of the April and I can hardly wait to have this time be here already!
Great to hear you are doing well and things are still looking up. I've been a little moody lately and decided I needed a break. I've seen a lot of positives in my sitch, but I'm still wanting too much too soon. I'll update my thread soon with all that's happened in the past few weeks.
ShawnL
So if you're tired of that same old story, turn some pages. I'll be ready when you are able, to roll with the changes. - REO Speedwagon
Gald to read that there have been some positives in your R lately. Good stuff re: the traveling and making long term plans with him. Hopefully it keeps going.
I've been following your progress ever since you posted on the SSM BB's. I'm SOOOO very happy for you that things are turning around, you've done some outstanding work!!!
GEL Thanks dear. It's been tough fighthing my personal demons (the trust issue, the pride that he left me and got it on with someone else - although he says it was only as far as kissing) even the fact that he tells me how incredibely much he loves me and yet he was ready to write me off - stuff like that is hard to just stop thinking about but I know I have to.
So we are going on a cruise together at the end of April (7 days Wester Caribean), last weekend we spent together in Chicago doing the "couple's thing" and it was great. I find that I get my hang ups less and less and even if they do happen I'm much quicker to snap out of it plus we communicate great - sometimes (well, most of the time) he gets defensive but it doesn't last too long.
That's really great! I'm definitely learning that COMMUNICATION is the key to a really good relationship. That seems to be the common denominator in most relationship problems....people simply don't communicate or are afraid to communicate clearly with their SO...whether it's about sex, feelings, finances etc. People tend to avoid conflict when it comes to discussions that could potentially hurt the feelings of their SO or piss them off.
This lack of communication can lead to hurt feelings that lead to affairs, SSM's, and/or divorce. It's really amazing how it works.
As I told my H the other day (who has in the past told me there are things he simply WILL NOT talk to me or a C about)..."I understand your unwillingness to discuss whatever it is that you won't let out...but you do realize don't you that it's often those things that people don't discuss or won't let out that are the key to their problems?" He just looked at me with a "dang your a smart lady!" look on his face, which always cracks me up....and said "you're right." Like he hadn't even thought of that.
But to be honest...I'd never screwed up enough courage to put it to him that way either. Saying what's on my mind and saying it clearly is something I'm working on. I don't know why, but I'd never really called him on the carpet about being unwilling to discuss certain things. Now I have, now he's thinking about it....and now we are seeing a new very good C that we both really like.
I can't wait to see where we are at 6 months from now...or this time next year. I KNOW things are going to be sooo much better for us too...they are already much better than they were a year ago!
Good luck, and I'll be watching your progress.
GEL
Just changing channels on TV and I saw Oprah's show which I think is a follow up to one she did couple of weeks ago about infidelity in marriage. I think it's very interesting and worth watching for those of us that struggle with forgiveness and have hard time understanding the difference between forgiveness and forgetting. If anyone is watching - what do you guys think?
Hm...so this is what I got so far: having an affair is like living a fantasy. Both of you are giving the best to the other one because it's all that you want to give. No baggage, no daily life problems - just the giddy feeling that you're the best!
Some of those guys are so pathetic - I'm not seeing much of what actually happened to me but there are bits and pieces that I will take away and use it for my own purpose- to give myself a peace of mind and learn how to cope.
I really hope others of you are watching - it's an eye opener, it's a de ja vous in one aspect and the guiding light in another.
I know the show you're talking about..or perhaps the first one. The one I saw had this guy who had a hundred affairs or more and his wife forgave him. Don't know if I'm that strong.
ShawnL
So if you're tired of that same old story, turn some pages. I'll be ready when you are able, to roll with the changes. - REO Speedwagon
